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Re: Advice Columns

Post  mayram on Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:41 pm

Rhilin wrote:I think you'd have to be "literally from the moon" level clueless to not understand why a bathroom scale isn't romantic. Adding a hot water bottle* almost pushes it into passive-aggressive meanness.


(*=hot water bottles are common solutions for bad menstrual cramps. I'm willing to give the husband the benefit of the doubt, but wow, was that really tone deaf.)

Yeah, the hot water bottle is especially puzzling (the scale thing is just WRONG and there is no way to not take that personally). Like, I know he shopped at the drug store but most of them carry lots of things like fancy soaps, candles, body lotions. Why shop in the medicinal portion of the store?

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  mokey75 on Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:08 pm

Shalamar wrote:I'm really fed up by all those "men just don't get it, the poor clueless dears" comments. Even if a guy is the most unromantic person in the world, surely he knows that flowers are a nice present? Or nice-smelling bath oil? I'm on the LW's side.
Oh man, no kidding. He sounds like a clueless ass.
(And also like my friend's younger brother, who did his Christmas shopping for his grandma at 711 the night before Christmas eve. Because she was sick, he bought her cough drops, kleenex, and ginger ale. Of course, he was also like 15 at the time.)
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  blooey on Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:46 pm

mokey75, that actually sounds kind of sweet. Well, for a 15 year old doing last minute shopping at the 7-11.

This guy sucks. Drug stores also carry stuffed animals and sparkling cider and chocolates and coffee mugs and those kitchen doo-dads Ron Popeil sells late at night. I just don't understand how someone would pick up a bathroom scale unless it has been specifically requested. And even if it were requested, you should spring for the fancy ones they carry at department stores, for crying out loud.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  MLIS on Mon Nov 14, 2011 5:11 pm

Yeah, even if he missed the hints about wanting a romantic gift, even if he forgot her birthday until the night before, even if the drugstore was the only thing open ... a bathroom scale and a hot water bottle? It doesn't seem possible to be that obtuse. I agree that I would never, ever, in a million years buy someone a bathroom scale unless they had specifically requested one, and a hot water bottle is not a gift. It's like he just went in and grabbed the first two things he saw that added up to the $XX he was planning to spend. I'd rather my husband didn't get me anything at all than do that. People (of both genders) can be bad and clueless gift givers, sure, but if that was how my husband handled my birthday, even after 11 years of marriage, we'd be having a talk.

I will say, though, that I'd be interested to know if this is a pattern for him. If he's always given clueless, thoughtless gifts, then her dropping a few hints and getting her hopes up after 11 years is not fair to anyone, including herself. There's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of romance and a thoughtful gift. But a person is not going to suddenly realize that after 11 years, especially if a pattern is established and they've never been told that the pattern doesn't work for the other person.

Side story: the first year my best friend and her husband (then boyfriend) celebrated Christmas together, he gave her windshield wipers. We were all greatly amused and still tease him about it, but the fact is he knew she needed them for her car, and he thought he was doing well to pay attention to what she needed and take care of it for her. It's actually kind of adorable when you think about it.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Instant Monkeys on Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:13 pm

MLIS wrote:Side story: the first year my best friend and her husband (then boyfriend) celebrated Christmas together, he gave her windshield wipers. We were all greatly amused and still tease him about it, but the fact is he knew she needed them for her car, and he thought he was doing well to pay attention to what she needed and take care of it for her. It's actually kind of adorable when you think about it.
See, yeah! That IS kind of adorable. Clueless, maybe, but well-intentioned. And I could imagine putting the hot-water bottle in that category: maybe she's always saying her feet are cold in bed or something. Maybe he didn't think of it as a "medicinal" item.

The scale, though, is harder to justify because...you just don't have to follow the mental conversation very far in your head. Scale = weight = you weigh too much. Come on, buddy. So either he's clueless, or lazy, or he's being an ass. I do agree that she needs to go beyond vague, hopeful hinting at this point.

And I say this as someone who stresses constantly about sufficiently creative gift-giving, and who would not know what to do with a piece of nice jewelry besides smile at it and then put it carefully in a drawer and worry that it would be stolen.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  punkysdilemma on Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:02 pm

This lady needs a smackification. Sheesh.

I bet their divorce party will conform to her colors.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Shalamar on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:06 pm

That second letter resonated with me, because my parents bicker all the time (no-one's ever called the police, but I came close when I was a kid). I bet you anything that the brother and his wife think their constant fighting is normal and have no idea anyone would be upset by it.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  The Lady of Shalott on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:18 pm

That last one is a doozy, too. I don't believe it's real--mostly because I don't want to believe that a woman so concerned over the question of whether she should go to heaven because her family will be there and she hates them would write to DEAR ABBY instead of, you know, talking to her pastor like a normal human.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Crowbridge on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:53 pm

Orange bridesmaids dresses? I shudder at the thought. She might as well go full tacky and make them taffeta with poofy sleaves.

The last letter cracked me UP. Is it possible for a person to be that stupid?

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  The Glen on Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:49 pm

I feel sorry for the last letter writer. She must have some awful relatives to be afraid to meet them in the afterlife.

(I imagine she was probably too embarrassed to bring it up with her pastor.)

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  blooey on Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:59 pm

I can't stop thinking about the multiple levels on which this question fails. Wouldn't God already know that she hates her family and that spending eternity with them would be the opposite of heaven? Why would it make more sense for her to think she would be forced into spending eternity with people she hates, thereby defeating the purpose of heaven, than to think she would get her own little room or corner or glade or seat at the table or whatever away from people she detests? And if they are such horrible people that made her life so miserable that she would be willing to give up eternal salvation to get away from them, what are they doing in heaven anyway?

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  inversed on Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:10 am

I think that Baptists believe that as long as you believe in God and Jesus, then you can be a big jerk and still get to heaven. It's faith, not acts. And Catholics believe you need both. At least that's what I remember from my religion classes growing up. But still, that question. Why would you think DEAR ABBY would have something to say to you on such an extremely personal question of faith. I like how her response sounds just as baffled as I felt reading it.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  bookworm on Sat Nov 19, 2011 1:26 pm

Yeah she doesn't need Dear Abby. She needs to talk to religious adviser of some sort. I'm Presbyterian, but I think her theology is a bit off, and if she could talk to someone informed about her faith then she would be less worried.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Unlucky Bear on Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:40 pm

Dear Prudie: Is it considered animal abuse to mock pets to their faces?

I love this question. I also love calling my dog a poorly behaved mongrel at least once a day, so I may be biased.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Lily Rose on Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:15 pm

Oh my god, I bet that person is a treat at parties. I call my dog a butthead at least 5 times a day, don't report me to the animal cops!

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Binky on Mon Nov 21, 2011 11:34 pm

I constantly insult my cat's intelligence and his weight. I might as well as named him 'fat and stupid' for as often as I say it.

Possibly his thumping me in the face every morning so his fat and stupid highness can get fed is his revenge?
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Instant Monkeys on Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:10 am

Heeee. Since my cat's nickname is Fatty (or Fatkins, or Lady Fatterley), you'd better call the cops on me as well.

(She's not even fat. It's just...her name. She's sitting next to me purring right now though, so I think we're cool.)
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Crackie on Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:38 am

Oh noes, we're all a bunch of meanies!

I call my giant cat (he's soft, but I can feel his ribs) FatCat, FatBoy, and Chubby Monkey. It's funny because he was neglected and downright skeletal when I brought him in to foster.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  punzy on Tue Nov 22, 2011 8:45 am

Heh, one of our cats is douche (he waits until you are looking at him to scratch the furniture) and the other is dumbass. Perhaps those people should switch the calling their friend an idiot in a sing-song voice.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  mokey75 on Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:45 pm

Our dog is known as Crazy-pants Stinkpooch. Because he kind of smells like a frito, even on good days. He'll totally look if you call him "stinkpooch", too. (But that's probably because we call him poocher more than we use his name, some days.)
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Shalamar on Tue Nov 22, 2011 7:10 pm

Our cat Tasha has been nicknamed Lady Barfington because of her habit of regurgitating her latest meal on our bed, then disdainfully looking at us like "There. Enjoy, peasants."
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  mayram on Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:36 pm

he'll totally look if you call him "stinkpooch", too. (But that's probably because we call him poocher more than we use his name, some days.)

Heh, our cat came to us as an adult cat named Zeus, but we've called him Chubby and Chubs for so long that I doubt he'd even respond to his former name.

My husband whispers to the cat all the time and the cat purrs and snuggles at the sound of it, but the whispering is actually a chorus of "you're fat, yes, you are."


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Re: Advice Columns

Post  punkysdilemma on Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:49 pm

I am reporting allllllll of you to the ASPCA. OMG
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Poubelle on Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:05 am

I always thought I was allowed to call my cat a spoiled little brat because I'm the one who made him that way.

Also, how old is the writer of the first letter? I assume anyone who's married would be an adult, but most people learn the double-standard where cheating guys are players and cheating women are sluts and man-stealers by the time they hit their teen years. Though I guess it stings more when you're dealing with it firsthand.

Even if she doesn't break up with him over their unfairly different treatments, I don't see their marriage necessarily lasting forever anyway.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Putli Bai on Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:29 pm

This whole conversation reminds me of the time I was walking in the park with my late, beloved (if not mentally-gifted) Borzoi mix, Newton. The big guy REALLY wanted a duck, and was always distracted when we walked around the pond. One day, he was so distracted that he actually walked into a pole - CLUNK! At first, I was trying so hard not to laugh, until I realized that Newton wouldn't care one bit if did. Poor guy.

As for names - Sammy's official AKC Agility name is "Mister Difficult." But that's only because I knew they'd never go for "Mommy's Little Butthead."
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Re: Advice Columns

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