Advice Columns

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  QueenSix on Fri Oct 09, 2015 9:35 am

Unlucky Bear wrote:INSANE! Totally insane. I just... do these people even hear themselves?! And have they never encountered a large Irish Catholic family like mine where every other woman is Kathleen or Margaret and all the men are John or Bill?

You go out Connemara way and there are Barbara's, Peggy's, Mary's a plenty, not just in families but in communities. That's why out there everyone out there has to have either their mother or father's name tagged on so we know who they're talking about. Like, my mother's cousin is John Baba Jack - John is his name, Baba or Barbara was his mother's name and Jack was his mother's father's name.

If they were to take this attitude out there, nobody would be talking to anybody else ever.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Sheli on Fri Oct 09, 2015 9:41 am

If the baby pulls through, and I certainly hope she does, I never want to see them again.

So the letter writer and her husband will forgive the step-in-laws for "copying" "their" baby name if the step-in-laws lose their child?  How charitable.

My best friend and I are named Michele and Michelle and people make jokes, think we're talking in the third person, or get confused all the time.  We deal.  The letter writer's precious "Alex" and her step-cousin-in-law-twice-removed will deal, too.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Coneycat on Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:23 am

Bad Username wrote:Dear Prudence has a great response to a couple who are offended - as in, considering not speaking to them again - that their sister/in-law and her husband gave their baby a name very similar to their own child.

I have to congratulate Prudence on her pull-no-punches answer here, because that is one stupid petty letter. I'm reminded of a former coworker back in Dallas, who had two grandsons named Austin. (At the time, in Dallas, about fifty percent of little boys were named Austin.) One grandson became Austin Charles and the problem was solved. But my coworker wasn't an idiot!

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  inversed on Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:28 am

My cousin and her best friend have sons born a few months apart who are both named Jack. Somehow they have managed to overcome this horrific tragedy and remain friends. I believe they were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize because of it.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Gillian on Fri Oct 09, 2015 11:24 pm

Two very close family members are both pregnant with their first kids, due less than a week apart. Both kids will have the same middle name. One person tried to make it an issue, and the other would. not. play. Some people just really like attention and drama.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  pinguerin on Sat Oct 10, 2015 10:29 am

This person does realize that other people in her neighborhood, town, and entire world will have the same name as her wee darling, no?

When I was possibly going to have a child that I could name myself (instead of becoming Nephew's parent instead) I did talk to my siblings and say "Hey, there's a family name I'd like to use as a middle name, are you cool with that?" and they were all "We don't care, if we want to use it too, we will."

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  bookworm on Sat Oct 10, 2015 12:23 pm

I share a middle name with my cousins, as well as my first name. Thankfully Elizabeth has several variations. No one freaked out.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Decca on Fri Oct 16, 2015 4:50 pm

I don't know Prudie, if my boyfriend told me he used to practice bestiality for a period of years, I'd be freaking out too.

Maybe I'm too judgmental, but this:
He loves you so much that he felt you should know everything about him, and he clearly was hoping you would be the person to offer him pardon. I hope you can. Surely you aren’t “fearful” about him running off with a friend’s dog. Just because I suggested that these kinds of secrets might best be told to a therapist, doesn’t mean your boyfriend needs therapy for this, or would benefit from dwelling on it. He’s revulsed by his youthful violations, and you know it won’t happen again. I hope you can tell him, and mean it, that you appreciate he trusted you enough to reveal all, and that while you were initially shaken by the news, you know that it’s simply something that’s in the past, and doesn’t mean anything to your future.

Is ridiculous, I really think? Sexually assaulting farm animals (and that's what it is) is actually not a normal or healty response to not having access to decent sex-ed; abusing or torturing animals as a young person can be a huge indicator for later violence against other people. That's probably why the letter writer is fearful, not because she thinks he'll dump her for a dog, for crying out loud. If this was in fact a result of his upbringing, that's really all the more reason he should seek therapy.

I'm also a bit suspicious of the claim that you can accidentally find bestiality porn on the internet through innocent Googling for sex-ed info and then become addicted to it or something. Maybe I'm naive, but that seems like the kind of niche stuff you'd have to look for directly.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  inversed on Sat Oct 17, 2015 10:34 am

I had a similar reaction to that, Decca. Though I don't think the guy's necessarily a lost cause, I do think Prudie was a little dismissive of the writer's fears. I will say that bizarre fetish porn is not as hard to find as it should be. I remember coming across some back in the earlier days of the internet and being pretty wigged out by it. (I'm not against porn in theory but I do think it's waaayyyy too easy for impressionable young people to access.)

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  inversed on Tue Oct 20, 2015 10:55 am

This cannot be real, can it? It's so over-the-top that it's almost like the homemaker sister wrote it. If it's real, oh my god, what a judgmental bitch.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  blixie on Tue Oct 20, 2015 12:03 pm

You have to appreciate how much brass it takes to mention how having a failed marriage and losing jobs make your life more interesting and inherently better. Plus insinuating she's IMMUNE to serious illness?! Uhh fairly certain this the most obvious case of projection I've ever seen, as well as resentment that homemaker sister is living her best life. It sounds like there's a real issue there around how "supportive" Homemaker has been of divorced ill sister, but it's also possible and very likely divorced ill sister is just an asshole narcissist, who resents her sisters happiness.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  mayram on Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:07 pm

inversed wrote:This cannot be real, can it? It's so over-the-top that it's almost like the homemaker sister wrote it. If it's real, oh my god, what a judgmental bitch.

Definitely a bit suspect in its over-the-topness. "She has declined to provide her list of what she does all day?" Sounds fake to me.

Is ridiculous, I really think? Sexually assaulting farm animals (and that's what it is) is actually not a normal or healty response to not having access to decent sex-ed; abusing or torturing animals as a young person can be a huge indicator for later violence against other people. That's probably why the letter writer is fearful, not because she thinks he'll dump her for a dog, for crying out loud. If this was in fact a result of his upbringing, that's really all the more reason he should seek therapy.

I'm also a bit suspicious of the claim that you can accidentally find bestiality porn on the internet through innocent Googling for sex-ed info and then become addicted to it or something. Maybe I'm naive, but that seems like the kind of niche stuff you'd have to look for directly.

I thought that response was unnecessarily flippant and dismissive as well. I would be completely freaked out by such an admission and would be concerned about the broader implications.


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Re: Advice Columns

Post  VodouDoll on Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:42 pm

Mallory Ortberg from The Toast is the next Dear Prudence!

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  punkysdilemma on Mon Nov 09, 2015 5:20 pm

I look forward to seeing what she's into. Should be fun.

My boyfriend is like kind of maybe a pedo, should I dump him?
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  inversed on Tue Nov 10, 2015 10:09 am

I'm sorry but who sees videos of pre-pubescent girls on her boyfriend's computer, who then says THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT, and doesn't run screaming for the hills and also the police?? How is this confusing enough to need input from an advice columnist??

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  QueenSix on Tue Nov 10, 2015 5:32 pm

That just sets off all kind of red flags. It sets them SCREAMING in fact.


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Re: Advice Columns

Post  dreago on Wed Nov 18, 2015 7:16 pm

So far loving the new Dear Prudence! HUUUGE fan of the Toast and its writers.

God this is so unfeminist of me though, but I'm itching to brush Mallory's hair in the pic. It's distracting.

OTOH, it's real. And Mallory's advice is always real. So, maybe it's a statement?

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  Lily Rose on Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:42 pm

Totally thought the same thing about her hair.

I am so loving watching her try and tone down her Mallory-ness and be normal. She really does generally give thoughtful and kind advice! Just in the weirdest way possible.

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Re: Advice Columns

Post  punkysdilemma on Fri Nov 20, 2015 5:11 pm

My son's father was abusive.  My son acted out after being abused so I sent him to live with his abusive father.  Why doesn't he love me??

For the love of fuck.
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Re: Advice Columns

Post  xyzzy on Mon Nov 30, 2015 5:26 pm

For the love of fuck.

I think the advice was good. My brother still won't talk to me because my parents paid more attention to me (I had a nearly fatal eating disorder) than they did to him (he was closeted and miserable.) This woman was wrong to send her son to live with his abusive father, but at some point you have to put down the hot rock or you're the one who gets burned.
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