Celebrity Dumb Quotes

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Cutebutpsycho on Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:23 am

To Nora --

Dublin, 17 December 1909

My sweet frigging mistress, you have corrupted me. I can not dine in peace anymore, for I recall our last tryst at Hidden Valley. Every time the salad course arrives with that heavy, spicy Ranch dressing, my mind flashes back to the white creaminess, flecked with green herbs, covering your delightful pinkish flesh. I have been in torment as my prick gets hard in company, recalling you saying how the taste of your little rosebud tomatoes were improved by the taste of that dressing.

"Hidden Valley Ranch makes vegetables delectable," you cooed. And by Jove you were right!

And now I am destroyed, wrecked, for I can not eat a salad without thinking of you dipping my carrot into that dressing, and then sucking it off with the most depraved, blackguard smile.

Oh Nora! My dirty little fuckbird! I have included some money for you -- use it to buy some more Ranch dressing and some whoreish drawers. I expect them to be tomato red -- to match the rest of your delectable, sinful body when I see you next.

JIM

BRB. Hiding my head in shame. What the hell have I just done?
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  particle_person on Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:50 am

Someone else metaquote that. I don't want to double-post.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Genevieve on Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:14 pm

I am never eating salad dressing ever again.
I think the internet needs to be shut down for the rest of the day because NOTHING can top that.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  The Glen on Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:26 pm

That is both the best and the worst thing ever. Oh my God.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  QueenSix on Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:33 pm

Cutebutpsycho wrote:To Nora --

Dublin, 17 December 1909

My sweet frigging mistress, you have corrupted me. I can not dine in peace anymore, for I recall our last tryst at Hidden Valley.

But...but....where I live is called Hidden Valley by locals. Joyce was sullying my neighbourhood with his shenanigans?? Where's the holy water?! I'm off to drown the place in it!

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  ActonBell on Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:25 pm

Cutebutpsycho, that was absolutely perfect.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Eris Rising on Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:16 pm

Cutebutpsycho wrote:To Nora --

Dublin, 17 December 1909

My sweet frigging mistress, you have corrupted me. I can not dine in peace anymore, for I recall our last tryst at Hidden Valley. Every time the salad course arrives with that heavy, spicy Ranch dressing, my mind flashes back to the white creaminess, flecked with green herbs, covering your delightful pinkish flesh. I have been in torment as my prick gets hard in company, recalling you saying how the taste of your little rosebud tomatoes were improved by the taste of that dressing.

"Hidden Valley Ranch makes vegetables delectable," you cooed. And by Jove you were right!

And now I am destroyed, wrecked, for I can not eat a salad without thinking of you dipping my carrot into that dressing, and then sucking it off with the most depraved, blackguard smile.

Oh Nora! My dirty little fuckbird! I have included some money for you -- use it to buy some more Ranch dressing and some whoreish drawers. I expect them to be tomato red -- to match the rest of your delectable, sinful body when I see you next.

JIM

BRB. Hiding my head in shame. What the hell have I just done?

Fucking genius.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  blooey on Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:18 pm

That letter is a thing of beauty. It is a source of great sadness in my life that I cannot find an appropriate occasion to use "My dirty little fuckbird!" in conversation.

Great sadness.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Cutebutpsycho on Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:46 pm

I think I successfully derailed this thread. Hopefully someone will say something stupid pretty soon. And QueenSix, be on the alert for writers using salad dressing in totally wrong ways.

I also love "My dirty fuckbird," but alas, I have no where to use it.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  The Glen on Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:26 pm

Cutebutpsycho wrote:I think I successfully derailed this thread. Hopefully someone will say something stupid pretty soon.

Hey, it's not every day a Snarkfest legend is born. *still giggling madly*

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Red Wolf on Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:18 pm

Lou Reed, on working with Metallica: "Nobody thought about anything."

I listened to that album. Once. I can believe that no thought went into it. Bad spoken word over substandard Metallica riffs, resulting in a terrible result. And they had the nerve to release it.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Miss Moneypenny on Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:58 am

Rooney Mara continues to be charming:

"You kind of learn to self-sabotage with things you don't want to get. Sometimes you don't want to get something but you do a really good job and you get in anyway," Mara told Entertainment Weekly.

"That's kind of [what happened] with A Nightmare on Elm Street - I didn't even really want it. And then I went in [to audition] and I was like, [whispering] 'F**k. I definitely got that'."
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  swsa on Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:37 pm

Okay, we were talking before about how she couldn't measure up to Gwyneth's level of hilarious egocentrism, but that quote is awfully close. Hee. I can actually imagine Gwyneth saying something about how her acting is so strong that even when she wants to tank an audition, she's just INCAPABLE of being as bad as the other actors.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  ActonBell on Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:54 pm

I can't find the exact quote, but I remember Gwyneth discussing turning down the lead in Titanic in a way that sounded very similar to the way Rooney is talking about Elm Street.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  queenofdenile on Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:53 pm

Yeah, it's one thing to say that you didn't think you did a good job on an audition and then wind up getting a part - how many of us have taken tests that we think we totally bombed but then turn out to ace? But to say that you try to INTENTIONALLY do poorly and still get the part, that's just a new level of egotism.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Morning Angel on Wed Jan 04, 2012 6:46 pm

I just can't fathom how someone would say something like that (with a straight face) to a journalist. "I just can't help it... I am THAT awesome."
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  The Lady of Shalott on Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:08 pm

Somewhere, the casting director for Nightmare on Elm Street is screeching angrily and I do not blame her even a little bit.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Kiran on Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:42 pm

I honestly think shes worse then Gwyneth. Gwyneth seems tone deaf to me, but ...shes not this irritating.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  queenofdenile on Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:08 pm

Gwyn also has an Oscar nomination and win to her name and a fair amount of critical acclaim for many film roles, not, you know, ONE major role that she MIGHT get an Oscar nomination for IF she's lucky, considering the competition she's up against this year.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Kiran on Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:15 pm

That's another thing. It seems very, very stupid to go on like this when you have nothing else to back you up, and people are whispering about Fincher's Svengali-ism. Maybe wait till you've done a well recieved movie without him before beginning the shit talking?

That and...okay, shes the product of two football titan families. We all know she didn't do those roles for money. So, if they sucked so much, why? They clearly did something for her career. It seems stupid and again, completely off putting to the public at large to act like it was either appear on SVU or starve. I mean there is probably a more likable way to say "yeah those weren't the greatest but hey I'm here now." or something. Because you know Jennifer Lawrence's biggest role before "Winter's Bone" was "The Bill Engvall Show", and Armie Hammer's was "Gossip Girl". So everyone has to start somewhere.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Crowbridge on Wed Jan 04, 2012 9:39 pm

Kiran wrote:That's another thing. It seems very, very stupid to go on like this when you have nothing else to back you up, and people are whispering about Fincher's Svengali-ism. Maybe wait till you've done a well recieved movie without him before beginning the shit talking?

That and...okay, shes the product of two football titan families. We all know she didn't do those roles for money. So, if they sucked so much, why? They clearly did something for her career. It seems stupid and again, completely off putting to the public at large to act like it was either appear on SVU or starve. I mean there is probably a more likable way to say "yeah those weren't the greatest but hey I'm here now." or something. Because you know Jennifer Lawrence's biggest role before "Winter's Bone" was "The Bill Engvall Show", and Armie Hammer's was "Gossip Girl". So everyone has to start somewhere.
Well, when you're as dark and brooding and awesome as Rooney Mara is, you are allowed to look down on whatever put you on the map. Because you're that good. Duh.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Miss Moneypenny on Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:10 pm

If she doesn't manage to get a Best Actress nom, I doubt we'll ever hear from her again. Between the publicized weirdness with Fincher and her lack of a brain-to-mouth filter, who's going to want to work with her?
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  Kiran on Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:32 pm

Shes in one of Terrence Malick's upcoming films. Although knowing him he could always just cut her out.
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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  mrinsouciance on Thu Jan 05, 2012 1:50 am

Crowbridge wrote:Well, when you're as dark and brooding and awesome as Rooney Mara is, you are allowed to look down on whatever put you on the map. Because you're that good. Duh.

Eh, she's no Avril Lavigne.

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Re: Celebrity Dumb Quotes

Post  jcpdiesel21 on Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:46 pm

In the February issue of Men's Journal, here's what Mark Wahlberg has to say about originally being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center:
"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.'"
Um.... REALLY? You, single-handedly, would have changed what happened on that plane? Arrogant, much?


Last edited by jcpdiesel21 on Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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