Fifty Shades of Grey

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Unlucky Bear on Wed May 23, 2012 12:10 am

One of my asshole friends picked this for our next book club selection, and she gets REALLY into her party planning, so I'm terrified to see how this plays out. A few people have read it for the lulz, so I'm going to give it a try.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  biakbiak on Wed May 23, 2012 1:11 am

Or you could just get the Audible version as read by Gilbert Gottfried.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Ji Xiang on Wed May 23, 2012 2:36 am

Crowbridge wrote:Wait...Anna gets pregnant? For real?

I only know what happens in the first book, but what happens in the other two? Anyone up to putting it in spoiler tags?

I'll try, see what I can remember (no guarantee that the chronology is right), but I *think* the details are mostly there. Cue very long section of text:
Spoiler:
So they break up at the end of the first book, and it lasts what, 3 or 5 days? She starts a job with a small publishing company run by a seemingly over-friendly guy, Jack. Forgot how but she gets back together with Christian. Somewhere along the line he buys the publishing house. She sends him lots of e-mails that could be very bad for him, and he keeps on telling her to use her blackberry that he got for her since her e-mail is monitored, but she's too stupid to stop, so he gets his IT guy to erase some of the e-mails. Jack is still super ultra-friendly. Christian is in super extra-possessive, "She is mine" mode, so he and Jack have a pissing contest, and nobody knows he owns the company yet because of some government issue - waiting x number of days for it to be allowed or something? I think they go to the photography exhibit of her friend Jose (Jacob), and Christian of course buys all the photos of Ana because no one else can look at her.

Let's see... One of Christian's former sub's goes crazy and splashes red paint all over Ana's car - all of his subs have the same car, that's how she knew which car was which. She apparently also has a gun, and appears randomly inside his apartment, despite his security guards repeatedly searching it. Turns out she was hiding in the stairwell or something? But Christian hires security guards for Ana, and sets "rules" for her that she tries to ignore only to be yelled at, eventually Kate's brother comes back from Barbados or wherever they are early and Ana lets him stay at her apartment that she's never at since she's at Christian's all the time, except the crazy sub is there and has a gun and Christian uses his dom powers or whatever to get her to drop the gun and eventually sends her to a psych hospital, and then after she's out pays for her college education in an art program out east.

Okay, um, the entire second book Kate (the roommate/best friend) is on vacation, which gives a sense of timeline. I think there's some super fancy party/fundraiser at Christian's parents and Ana bids $24K on renting Christian's Aspen house for a week or something. She got the money from him since that's what his security guard allegedly sold her super old crappy car for. And of course his family loves her and she's the first girl he ever brought home, etc.

Jack does try to assault her, Ana turns the tables on him and kicks his ass, then runs out to find Christian and his security guard, who promptly kicks Jack's ass some more. Then they have him fired. Ana's appointed his interim replacement. He's some creepy photographic memory dude who'd been reading all of Ana's e-mails, and got suspicious when he couldn't find the replies from Christian. Then he sabotages Christian's helicopter engine. Later on, he tries to kidnap Ana, only to be caught by some security guards. Then he's bailed out by some mysterious rich guy and he tries again, this time by kidnapping Christian's beloved little sister and threatening to torture/kill her unless Ana gives herself up to him. And then think Bella at the end of Twilight with the French (?) vampire, but this time Ana has a gun and shoots the guy.

Um... they get engaged at the end of the 2nd book, and the 3rd book starts with them on their month-long honeymoon on his yacht in the Mediterranean, with a whole bunch of flashbacks initially and then some more "plot" development. They have some argument about her wanting to keep her last name professionally, and he's pissed off. This or something else causes her to push back all her appointments, including her birth control shots, and she ends up being pregnant. And when she tells Christian, he freaks out and goes on a bender. Then he gets over it and realizes hey, this is exactly what I need/want.

I think Ana meets with his psychiatrist a few times. Kate ends up engaged to Christian's brother. It turns out Jack and Christian were temporarily in the same foster home in Michigan before Christian was adopted by the Greys, and he had some residual jealousy/anger issues? (Not sure about this part, I was really zooming).

Book 3 ends with them happily married with the first kid around 3 and Ana pregnant with 2nd kid in their custom built mansion that they'd looked at in the 2nd book. Christian finds out the rich guy that bailed out Jack was his former dom/child rapist's husband, and does some business deal thing that makes the guy lose all his money.
And of course, between EVERY one of these things, add 3-5 pages of sex. And irrational misunderstanding that would be clarified if they could just COMMUNICATE. And lots of mentions of an "inner goddess."

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Cutebutpsycho on Wed May 23, 2012 2:38 pm

Ji xiang, did I just read the plot of the recent season of a telenova?
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Carrie Ann on Wed May 23, 2012 4:12 pm

Especially after reading that excellent synopsis, I am seriously baffled at the women on my Facebook feed talking about how we all need a Christian Grey. For WHAT exactly? I mean, if you want to be a sub in the bedroom, cool, there are a lot of people out there who can make that happen for you. But what about the rest of the time? He seems like a pain in the ass.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  bookworm on Wed May 23, 2012 5:20 pm

I convinced our leisure reading purchaser to not get them. We're an academic library! We have standards! I am wondering if some of our English grad students studying fan fiction will request them anyway.


Last edited by bookworm on Wed May 23, 2012 8:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Putli Bai on Wed May 23, 2012 7:26 pm

Wow, that is so much crazier than I thought it could possibly be. And I have an excellent imagination.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  naughty zoot on Thu May 24, 2012 8:34 am

Our supplier is out of the series so we can't buy any through them. However, there are STACKS of them at BJ's Wholesale Club. So, it looks like the usual "best-seller" shenanigans where much of the supply ends up on discount racks.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Crowbridge on Thu May 24, 2012 9:27 am

Thank you for the synopsis, Ji Xiang. :)

Good god...reading all of that makes me tremble over the fact that there are women who actually WANT Christian. WHY!?!

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  blooey on Thu May 24, 2012 12:12 pm

People on every social networking site I frequent are constantly clogging up the Matt Bomer search/tag with "Matt Bomer should play Christian Grey! Matt Bomer is Christian Grey!" It's made me irrationally angry toward the books. I don't go into the Matt Bomer tag for opinions on books and casting, I go there when I'm having a bad day and want to stare at his face. It's like they have no idea what the interenet is even for.

Ji Xiang's synopsis is awesome, though. What I was imagining was so much worse that now I kind of want to read at least the one where the dude gets his ass kicked. That sounds fun.

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  ActonBell on Thu May 24, 2012 12:21 pm

I don't go into the Matt Bomer tag for opinions on books and casting, I go there when I'm having a bad day and want to stare at his face. It's like they have no idea what the interenet is even for.

I feel your pain. I'm not a Bomer fan, but I get so annoyed when I'm looking for pictures on tumblr and see all of these ridiculous fancasting suggestions or rpg games. I just want to look at pretty people, tumblr!
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Cynara on Thu May 24, 2012 3:05 pm

Last night my almost 60-year-old mother says to me "So I got the free sample of 50 Shades of Grey on my Kindle!" I was like CURSE YOU, AMAZON! So I asked her how she liked it (dreading the answer), and she goes, "Actually, it's pretty terrible. I'm only on page three and I don't think I'll need to read the whole thing." I'm all THANK YOU JEBUS and she continues "Dolly [coworker friend] just RAVED about it! But, well, she's not exactly a brain trust. Also, I doubt she and Harry have any sex at all. Oh, so, great. Now I'm considering Dolly and Hank's sex life. That's just great. Screw this."

Also, I talked about how much it sucks in the breakroom at work, thinking my coworker was talking about how much she hated it. She was actually talking about how much she loved it. I managed to backtrack by saying I knew it started off as Twilight fic but "I think they fixed it up for publication; it's probably better now" WHICH I KNOW IS A COMPLETE LIE. She's like "Yeah, I couldn't put it down! Just like Twilight!" Forget it, Jake; it's Sparkletown. (I feel like someone's made that joke here before, but my God it's really true.)

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  puddingcup on Thu May 24, 2012 3:14 pm

Interesting infographic

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Instant Monkeys on Thu May 24, 2012 3:23 pm

Are you kidding me with this shit? "Gideon Cross"? "Eva"?

So 50 Shades of Grey has thinly disguised fanfic now? Which is being picked up for publication? And will probably inspire its own fanfic?

I want to go home now.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  big chicken on Thu May 24, 2012 5:28 pm

puddingcup wrote:Interesting infographic

Interesting. Illinois is the second highest in terms of reading the book yet the rating is the second lowest.

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  The Lady of Shalott on Thu May 24, 2012 6:38 pm

You guys, my mom told me the other day that she really, really wanted to read these books. I think I made a noncommittal noise and then ran to the kitchen cabinets to swallow all the drain cleaner because I CAN'T DEAL.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  bookworm on Thu May 24, 2012 6:49 pm

If she does, please start a blog to record everything. For science.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  maxell131313 on Thu May 24, 2012 7:21 pm

bookworm wrote:If she does, please start a blog to record everything. For science.

I would like to second that request.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Crowbridge on Thu May 24, 2012 10:02 pm

I just saw a big rack of them at Safeway with 50% off stickers. Does this mean no one is buying this shit, or am I too hopeful?

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Luthien on Thu May 24, 2012 10:21 pm

I don't know about buying, but I noticed at my library that there are over 80 people waiting for Fifty Shades of Grey, but only two people waiting for the second one, and one for the third. So, maybe we can hope that everyone is getting their porn fix out of the first one, and realizing that that don't care enough about the poorly written story to keep going?

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Instant Monkeys on Thu May 24, 2012 11:13 pm

Someone next to me was reading it on the bus this afternoon, on her Kindle.

And I am HIGHLY embarrassed that I totally knew after glancing at like two words of it that that's what it was. (Not until the third glance did I see the name "Christian Grey.")
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Gallifrey Girl on Fri May 25, 2012 12:22 pm

My book club met last night. I'd already mentally prepared some rebuttals of why we *shouldn't* read it, in case anyone suggested it. As it happens, two people mentioned buying it (one knew its origins, the other didn't), and both of them stopped reading within 50 pages because it was so poorly written.

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Francie Nolan on Fri May 25, 2012 1:38 pm

Instant Monkeys wrote:Someone next to me was reading it on the bus this afternoon, on her Kindle.

And I am HIGHLY embarrassed that I totally knew after glancing at like two words of it that that's what it was. (Not until the third glance did I see the name "Christian Grey.")

This scenario happened to me yesterday, except it was while I was getting pedicure. I saw the name "Christian" and the phrase "Holy crap!" in one glance--it was a Fifty Shades bingo! I was embarrassed that I knew that much, but I was even more embarrassed when I realized how, um, enthused she looked while in the vibrating massage chair.

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  particle_person on Fri May 25, 2012 8:50 pm

Mark Reads "Fifty Shades" (via PrincessCleo on Twitter)

I wanted a hood to pull over my head at that point too.

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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

Post  Instant Monkeys on Fri May 25, 2012 9:09 pm

The girl next to me on the bus home TONIGHT was ALSO reading 50 Shades of Grey on her Kindle (or some e-reader). That's two nights in a row, y'all. (Yes, it was definitely a different person.)

This time it was chapter 7 and I read the part where Christian is explaining being a dom and starts asking Anastasia if she likes cheese. I was like OMG I HAVE ALREADY READ THIS ON THE INTERNET.
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Re: Fifty Shades of Grey

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