Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

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Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  particle_person on Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:10 am

Snarkfest has been sold to Gwyneth Paltrow for an undisclosable sum. I will continue to administrate the site in the mean time. Gwyneth has said she'll be by tomorrow to explain more, but is currently too sick and overworked to comment. (It may be time for a cleanse! The toxins build up.) Please be patient.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Carrie Ann on Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:22 am

OMG. So perfect.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  eventide82 on Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:32 am

Love. It.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  swsa on Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:34 am

I, for one, welcome our new toned and internally cleansed overlord.

Shall I assume that The Works of Coldplay thread will be expunged post-haste?
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Ji Xiang on Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:41 am

Is it bad I kind of like the pink? ;)

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  laddical on Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:18 am

This is a very pleasant color scheme.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  year of the cat on Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:39 am

Truly worthy of the artiste herself! I'll go fetch her ladyship her fainting couch and fan.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  woolhat on Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:04 am

Ji Xiang wrote:Is it bad I kind of like the pink? ;)

*Sigh* You're only saying that because she liked it first. If emoticons weren't so tackily American, there'd be an azafrán-hued face eye rolling at this tiresome copycatting.

But as to this new, improved goopfest - my inner aspect is nourished!
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Lily Rose on Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:23 am

I literally did a double take upon logging in, because apparently I don't know what day it is. If you'll excuse me, I have to go do three hours of yoga before having the nanny take the children to school. I don't have time to waste on posting on message boards!

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Sheli on Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:19 am

Well done. I suddenly feel the need to go out and buy a $100 t-shirt. Just what I've always wanted.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Unlucky Bear on Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:40 am

Shit, that reminds me I have to run out and get some more organically-grown, locally-harvested kale. BRB, Gooperinos.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  The Glen on Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:13 am

Make sure it's watered with pure filtered spring water. Rainwater is so common.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  mayram on Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:10 am

Lily Rose wrote:I literally did a double take upon logging in, because apparently I don't know what day it is. If you'll excuse me, I have to go do three hours of yoga before having the nanny take the children to school. I don't have time to waste on posting on message boards!

Ha, it totally got me too. Thought the site was hacked for a second before it dawned on me. And I DID know what day it is.

I quite like this color scheme and font, nice job!

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  big chicken on Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:11 am

Can someone clarify the new site name for me? Is it Gooped or is it Goop Ed?

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  particle_person on Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:16 am

GOOPed.
Love,
PP.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  particle_person on Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:22 pm

Ah, our new owner has appeared! See the introductions, and welcome to gluten free pant.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Shadowlass on Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:50 pm

Do we have to consciously uncouple from snark?

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Cutebutpsycho on Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:26 pm

I don't know if my yoga pants are expensive enough for this.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:31 pm

I'm so glad I work a regular job and therefore have time to check online message boards! If I had the misfortune to be working on a film set in some far off, exotic location, I simply wouldn't have the time or energy to do so. I think I speak for the peons out there when I say this site looks high class all the way. However, I do apologize for replying here while in yoga pants from Target. I'm not quote on our new owner's financial level. Wait...am I even allowed in here if I make less than $20 mill a year?

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  particle_person on Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:34 pm

Of course, I mean gp is one of the masses. She just happens to make more than most.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:38 pm

That's a lie, and you know it. She's better than you, me, and everyone else who posts here! And it's not just because she makes way more money! I don't feel worthy enough to even read anything on the boards now that she owns them. I'll show my peasant self out, and I hope the rest of you have the decency to do the same. NONE OF US ARE WORTHY.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  The Glen on Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:56 pm

If you buy one of our unique plain white tee-shirts for $100 you may stay. And we can always aspire to be worthy.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:03 pm

I'm already in debt up to my eyeballs, so why not? What's another 100 smackers if it means I can have even a semblance of worthiness. Just the slightest sheen of it will improve my overall quality of life.

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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  Instant Monkeys on Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:31 pm

Hee, I keep reading your username as gluten free paint.

...Which brings me to a question. How can I be assured that the paint which my staff use to seasonally freshen the walls of my little nest is free of gluten? This isn't something I worried about before, but now that I think about it, I really can't bear to have paint that contains gluten present in my home. Please understand that I don't have anything as tedious as a physical sensitivity to it -- it's more of a spiritual sensitivity. Gluten and I have opposing aspects, is I suppose the best way I can put it into words. Sorry if you can't understand that. It's a feeling that comes from very deep within me. It's like, imagine a clock face, and I'm at the 11 and gluten is at like 5:30. Or, imagine a poor washerwoman, and opposite her is a mongoose. The mongoose not only wants to bite her but also wants to steal her washing. Do you know what I mean? I can feel gluten's coarseness, its negative vibration, its CVS-like smell, its Dorito breath, its Old Navy-ish style choices, and it upsets me to be near it.

I guess I don't have any REASON to think that paint contains gluten, but for my own tranquility I'd rather take measures to ensure that it doesn't. Can you really put a price on peace of mind? If you would be so kind as to advise on some brands of paint that are certified to be free of gluten, and preferably that are made from entirely natural dyes like beets and lichen, I'd be most grateful. Alternatively, could you recommend some sort of gluten strainer that I can ask Sylvia to pour all the paint through before she allows the workers to touch it? Preferably outside of my home, like in the neighbors' yard or something. (Haha, just kidding, I don't have neighbors.) Cost is (obviously, for something like this) no object.

I realize this may seem frivolous, but I need to be kind to myself. If I think there might be gluten present in my very own inner domain, my sanctuary, I won't be able to concentrate on my skin regimen AT ALL. And then, obviously, I won't be able to blog about my skin regimen, and my readers will RIOT. (They are such a bunch of lovable scrappy ne'er-do-wells. I don't know what I'd do without my vague awareness of their existence.)

Thanks for understanding. And now if you'll excuse me, Sylvia has let me know that my presentation of artisanal toast samples has arrived. The chef is a dear friend of mine; we met when being disappointed by indifferent treatment from the same coat check attendant. (It makes me so sad, and sad for the world, when people do not strive to better themselves through their actions and their way of being.) The toast trend is such a fun and beautiful idea that I truly feel has bloomed in the nick of time, with all the sad news coming out of the Ukraine, just to name one sad thing. It's so rustic and unspoiled, and such a comfort; it reminds me of my childhood, when Bess used to instruct the cook to make it for me after I was brought home from school. I truly feel that by eating it, I myself bring joy to the universe. And it's something I'm so, so glad to do.

Well, I digress. Thanks for taking an interest in our little website! I feel having you here has already elevated all of our spirits. And thanks again for your help on that gluten paint thing which was the premise of this post that I kind of strayed away from a little at the end there.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

Post  woolhat on Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:42 pm

You can bypass this gluten free paint quandary, simply by following our dear leader's holiday gift guide. Paint is for peasants; designer wallpaper is the only solution to achieve inner sanctity and domestic happiness.
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Re: Snarkfest sold to Gwyneth Paltrow

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