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Post  Instant Monkeys on Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:32 pm

Whoa, I also never heard of that "other" messages thing and I had FORTY. Most of them were from pages I'd liked, thankfully. One of them was from Spaghetti Cat. Sorry, Spaghetti Cat.

And yeah, even though I confess I'd be REAL tempted, I don't think much good can come at this point from responding.
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Post  whatthedeuce on Mon Jun 03, 2013 9:39 pm

After that final message, HELL NO. Don't bother replying. That was such a classless, rude message, and she doesn't deserve a damn response.

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Post  Author By Night on Mon Jun 03, 2013 10:16 pm

What a vile thing for her to say. i'm inclined to tell you to reply, maybe something like

I only just saw this, because Facebook hid it. I appreciate how mature and polite your last message was.

But I'm not sure how much good it would do; as even you put it, it could just escalate further.


If I hadn't gotten that last message, I would have felt bad. Clearly she has no idea I never got the messages, but that last message actually does hurt. I wasn't part of the cool crowd in high school, but I had friends and I thought she was a real one.


Ouch. :/ FWIW, I have a feeling she was just trying to hit where she knew it would hurt. Not that that makes it better, but she's not the same person you were friends with in high school anymore, so what she thinks now isn't necessarily what she really thought then.




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Post  Never Enough on Mon Jun 03, 2013 10:34 pm

Thank you everyone. As much as I want to post something like Author By Night said, where it would make her feel like an idiot, reality never works that way.

I have a feeling she was just trying to hit where she knew it would hurt.

That's it right there. She was my one friend that went out and partied and I was her one friend that was a "good" kid. It worked for us and we didn't care if we were different. But she is now going for the jugular and using the one thing about me that she even remembers.

And you know what? Fuck her. I do think my not replying drove her crazy. And she has to live with being ignored. She did that to me at the end of our friendship. She deserves nothing more.

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Post  puddingcup on Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:16 pm

Wait a sec, wait a sec, wait a sec. If you send a message on FB to someone who is not your Friend, it gets routed to that Other box? Are we sure? I've sent quite a few messages to people who aren't my FB Friends, for various reasons, and have been disappointed in how few replied. I've checked my Other box a couple of times, and it was all junk, mass mailings, etc.

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Post  Carrie Ann on Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:20 pm

It's definitely possible that that's what happened to your messages to those people. When I checked mine a year ago, I had a group message that did originate from a friend of mine but somehow I think it was connected to an event and it ended up there. It was about him coming home and trying to hang out with people and I totally missed it. Booooooooooooooooooo, Facebook. I really see no value in the Other box at all. It's not hard to delete a message or remove yourself from a conversation if you want to.
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Post  Unlucky Bear on Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:43 pm

Hm. I just checked my Other box. One message from some dude I don't know: "love ur dogs"

I only have one dog, chief.
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Post  woolhat on Tue Jun 04, 2013 7:56 am

This 'Other' box is the worst idea ever. Thirty-four messages and most of them are people wondering if I've fallen off the face of the Earth. These are lovely people, they like me (one tells me she still has a tea cup I gave her!), but I've been radio silence. So if I reply to them, several years after they wrote me, will it go into their 'Other' box, and I have to just hope they know about it?

How does this explain the messages I've received from non-friends in my regular message box? Because I share a name with a lady far more interesting than myself and every few months I have to awkwardly reply that I am not the ex-wife of Mr. so-and-so/long lost member of a Free Love Commune/participant in that crazy weekend on the Haight, full of explicit memories that should never be shared with a complete stranger, oh my blushing ears!!! Why have these strangers made it so I can never look at Mr. so-and-so again, but messages from people I actually know are hidden?
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Post  naughty zoot on Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:13 am

Thank you all for this conversation. I had no idea about the other box and just found a message from my sister-in-law there. From only 2 weeks ago, but still there will be fallout I imagine. What an idiotic thing for Facebook to do.
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Post  mandalaya on Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:38 am

I had 46 messages! Nothing important, happily, but still a couple I've now replied to years later - which they'll never get because they don't check their Other box either.

A very dumb idea. I get that it's basically a spam folder, but it would help to know it exists.
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Post  Never Enough on Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:40 am

woolhat wrote:This 'Other' box is the worst idea ever. Thirty-four messages and most of them are people wondering if I've fallen off the face of the Earth. These are lovely people, they like me (one tells me she still has a tea cup I gave her!), but I've been radio silence. So if I reply to them, several years after they wrote me, will it go into their 'Other' box, and I have to just hope they know about it?

It won't. The one other real message I got from my preschool teacher, from 3 years ago, I did reply to and it moved the conversation to my regular inbox. He replied back within a couple hours and that message sent me an email notification.

I have no idea about why some non-friend messages make it through though.

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Post  Guest on Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:46 pm

One of my FB lists notified someone he was in that list! Argh! This is the list where I don't share my posts, but I share links I post. Argh!

I guess because it was a University list, it has other admin rights...I don't know.

I guess I will have to create a special list just for him.

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Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:15 pm

The Other box would be more useful if people knew it existed. I'm gonna check mine in case old friends sent me messages.

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Post  sunni94 on Tue Jun 04, 2013 5:31 pm

This Other box is a bad idea. I also had no idea it even existed until this thread and just went in to read it and saw a message from a guy that I went out with once and realized he was wackadoodle so I never went out with him again. Of course it was full of name calling and it shouldn't bother me that crazypants called me stupid 6 year old names but it still does dammit. Oh well. I have started using my middle name because my real name is so unusual in the US and it has helped weed out crazy people I don't want to talk to from trying to friend me on Facebook or talk to me and it's helped. I can't wait for the studies on the social impact of Facebook and mood disorders because that just hit my anger button like no other.

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Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Jun 04, 2013 5:42 pm

Okay, so the Other boxnis really code for the spam and douchebag box. I'm hesitant to even check mine now.

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Post  Never Enough on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:04 pm

I'm an odd one to say it's not all bad, but the message from my preschool teacher was super sweet I swear.

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Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:13 pm

Your preschool teacher contacted you? How sweet! He or she must have an excellent memory if they remembered your name after all those years. Unless you two have seen each other around over the years, of course.

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Post  Never Enough on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:16 pm

He must have an amazing memory! He said he came across some old photos of my class and all of a sudden remembered my last name. I have an unusual first and last name so he found me right away on FB. When I replied to him, I explained the whole "Other" inbox. I was prepared to not hear anything back because the original message was from 2010!! But he replied back within a couple hours and he was super excited. ha He said he would love to catch up by phone or email next week when he's not swamped.

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Post  whatthedeuce on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:20 pm

What?! The message is from 3 years ago?! Stupid Other box. You could have been in contact so long ago if not for that. Poor guy probably thought you just didn't care to reply.

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Post  woolhat on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:38 pm

Never Enough wrote:
woolhat wrote:This 'Other' box is the worst idea ever. Thirty-four messages and most of them are people wondering if I've fallen off the face of the Earth. These are lovely people, they like me (one tells me she still has a tea cup I gave her!), but I've been radio silence. So if I reply to them, several years after they wrote me, will it go into their 'Other' box, and I have to just hope they know about it?

It won't. The one other real message I got from my preschool teacher, from 3 years ago, I did reply to and it moved the conversation to my regular inbox. He replied back within a couple hours and that message sent me an email notification.

I have no idea about why some non-friend messages make it through though.

Phew, so I just have to find a way to respond out of blue without it being weird. For the most part this should be easy, but one's a dashing gentleman friend from the high school days who appears to have asked me out (in February 2011?!) to no avail. And I am not anywhere near cool enough to play hard-to-get for two years.

This is why I rarely facebook; it creates more awkward situations than the internet was designed to avoid.
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Post  Poubelle on Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:53 pm

I think Facebook retroactively moved old messages I hadn't bothered to delete into the Other box (which I agree is super-stupid), because I remembered reading some of the messages that were in there (and they came to my regular box for sure, because I didn't know there was an Other box until I saw it mentioned in this thread). It seems like a lot of messages I've gotten from various folks' events have gone in there, which makes me mad, because most of the events messages I get are useful ones like "here are directions to the exact location, because it's a little confusing!" or "tonight's show has a special discount, just say 'coupon code' at the door!" Guess it's better to stick to making a wall post if there's something you'd like to let all the guests know.
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Post  puddingcup on Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:50 pm

I knew about the Other box, but I didn't think that some of my outgoing messages would be sent to someone else's Other box. Now I'm stressed because I don't know whether a couple of emails I sent over the years weren't returned because I've been blown off or not (they were "Hey, remember me? Nice to see you here" variety). Ugh. I don't want to resend the emails and risk being blown off twice. I mean, I didn't write to any exes or people with previous bad blood or anything, just old classmates and such. Sometimes it seems so random to send people friend requests out of the blue, so I'll send an email in advance to say hi first.

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Post  Instant Monkeys on Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:10 pm

Facebook often ignores my unchecking of "Show Comments and Likes" on people's names, and shows me "So-and-so commented on a photo" and that kind of stuff. BUT, I'm not sure I've ever had this happen: just now in my feed it had "[Instant Monkeys] commented on a photo," and it showed a photo that, indeed, I had commented on yesterday. Thanks for letting me know...? In such a timely fashion? (Do I have to tell it not to show comments and likes on MYSELF?)
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Post  eventide82 on Tue Jul 02, 2013 9:08 pm

Where do you go to uncheck "Show Comments and Likes", Instant Monkeys? That is a feature I didn't know about and would like to use.
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Post  Instant Monkeys on Wed Jul 03, 2013 1:15 am

You have to do it for every. single. person. individually. so it's a real pain in the butt. You mouse over the person's name, go to the little drop-down menu that says "Friends" (if you are friends), go down to Settings..., and if you click it you will see a list of things that the person does that will appear in your news feed. You can uncheck Comments and Likes (and other things if you want).

Back when Facebook overhauled itself...I don't even remember how many iterations ago, a lot of people posted asking their friends to uncheck Comments and Likes for them (because, otherwise, it defaults so that your friends can see everything you comment on and that is kind of annoying). I did it for a lot of people, because they asked but also because that's a LOT in your news feed, and if they're commenting on someone I'm friends with I've probably already seen it, and if they're commenting on someone I'm NOT friends with then who cares? So I was in the habit for a while of unchecking it on everyone, but it's been a while since I've bothered. I do see comments/likes from people I know I've unchecked it on though.

In conclusion, Facebook never does what we want it to do and we may as well accept it, I guess.
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