Advice Columns

I agree Cynara. While I know the LWs parents want to see a happy family again, they're going to have to accept that's never happening again and don't even bring it up. Were that me I wouldn't even want to know my sister and ex even existed anymore. Have a good life but stay out of mine.

I would also say that if she hasn't been in therapy I'd deeply suggest it. She deserves a life without so much pain and hopefully finding someone that will love her for HER.

And honestly, the niece can't miss what she's never known. Heck, I don't have any memories of spending time with my aunt before I was 11--for no reason other than she lived in a completely different state and didn't get many chances to visit--and I didn't suffer. (And some kids grow up without aunts entirely, just because their parents don't have sisters and their parents' brothers never married. Heck, sometimes two only children have kids together! I'm sure if the niece really wants to meet her aunt, arrangements can be made when she's older. Also, at some point someone is going to let the truth slip to that kid, anyway. That's not the kind of story that stays secret.)

LW should decline and hopefully find a good therapist, and her mother should lay off. That request was out of bounds.

I also can't get over the potential in-laws punishing a little girl for circumstances beyond her control. As the 8-year-old herself might point out some years from now, she didn't ask to be born. What kind of moral high ground is there in making a little girl miserable on Christmas? If the in-laws are going to get all high and mighty about their beliefs, maybe they should look at the original beliefs behind the holiday and what the guy whose birth it's in honor of had to say (rumor has it his mom wasn't married when she got pregnant, either).

Oooh, Biblical burn!!

The first letter in today's Dear Prudence made me so mad. If I was that dude's wife, I'd want to know that he wrote that letter, so I could kick him in the balls and also tell him I'd rather use sperm from a non-asshole guy because we lived in an area without many assholes.

Prudie said exactly what I was thinking, but my thought process involved a lot more curse words. Wow, a small part of me want's his wife to know how he really feels, that way she can ditch her asshole racist husband who has been kind of enough to not have a problem with her non-whiteness.

What a fucking creep. I wish he'd just told her so she would have had the information she needed to dump his ass.

My response is that he should tell her so she can dump his racist ass.

Edited to add: brain twins!

punzy wrote:My response is that he should tell her so she can dump his racist ass.

Edited to add: brain twins!

Hahaha!

My crazy Aunt Cis tried to do the whole "shame the baby born out of wedlock" thing when my eldest nephew was born. She even referred to him as "the little bastard" or, on her "charitable" days, "the poor little bastard."

Until she said it in front of my Aunt Karen, who threatened to pick her up and LITERALLY throw her out of the house if she ever said it again.

She never did. These awful people need to be told the same thing.

Sheli wrote:The first letter in today's Dear Prudence made me so mad. If I was that dude's wife, I'd want to know that he wrote that letter, so I could kick him in the balls and also tell him I'd rather use sperm from a non-asshole guy because we lived in an area without many assholes.

JFC. "I don't think my wife has ever experienced racism, but I think she might understand my point of view." PUNCH IN THE SACK. PUNCH IN THE SACK SO HARD.

I'm sure! I'm sure you're right that your Asian wife has never, ever experienced racism! You, a straight white male, would totally be the one to judge whether or not that was likely to be true! No one has burned a cross on your lawn, and so you're right, probably, your adult wife who has lived on this planet for 30 years or whatever has never been the recipient of any kind of racist comment or act! I look to you and your future white children as our wise, rightful leaders.

Lily Rose wrote:

Sheli wrote:The first letter in today's Dear Prudence made me so mad. If I was that dude's wife, I'd want to know that he wrote that letter, so I could kick him in the balls and also tell him I'd rather use sperm from a non-asshole guy because we lived in an area without many assholes.

JFC. "I don't think my wife has ever experienced racism, but I think she might understand my point of view." PUNCH IN THE SACK. PUNCH IN THE SACK SO HARD.

Then he'll be infertile, too, and they might have to have a baby without mom's Asian genes but definitely without dad's douchenozzle genes.

It's almost like half of these letters are written by people going "I am an astoundingly terrible person; validate me?"

What a dildo.

Like I have nothing else to say. I am Asian and I'm pretty sure if my husband even broached that subject to me I'd set his car on fire. At the very least. If I was feeling NICE.

Instant Monkeys wrote:I'm sure! I'm sure you're right that your Asian wife has never, ever experienced racism! You, a straight white male, would totally be the one to judge whether or not that was likely to be true! No one has burned a cross on your lawn, and so you're right, probably, your adult wife who has lived on this planet for 30 years or whatever has never been the recipient of any kind of racist comment or act! I look to you and your future white children as our wise, rightful leaders.

Even with the EXTREMELY remote possibility that she hadn't encountered racism up to this point in her life...she pretty much just did, and at the hands of her own husband. Nice.

Every now and then you encounter an individual who needs to be strung up by his genitalia for a few days. This husband is one of those people.

Kiran wrote:What a dildo.

Like I have nothing else to say. I am Asian and I'm pretty sure if my husband even broached that subject to me I'd set his car on fire. At the very least. If I was feeling NICE.

See, I wouldn't have married someone like that period. I'm happy to say that I won't worry about that because my husband isn't a douchenozzle.

Well, neither would I but I got to assume he hid himself well, because how else did wife not pick up on GIRL YOU MARRIED A NATIONAL FRONT TYPE.

Guys, c'mon. Didn't you read the first part of his letter? "Her race isn't a problem for me.". He's a prince among men!

Just kidding. I want to kick him hard.

mayram wrote:

Instant Monkeys wrote:I'm sure! I'm sure you're right that your Asian wife has never, ever experienced racism! You, a straight white male, would totally be the one to judge whether or not that was likely to be true! No one has burned a cross on your lawn, and so you're right, probably, your adult wife who has lived on this planet for 30 years or whatever has never been the recipient of any kind of racist comment or act! I look to you and your future white children as our wise, rightful leaders.

Even with the EXTREMELY remote possibility that she hadn't encountered racism up to this point in her life...she pretty much just did, and at the hands of her own husband. Nice.

That was my kind of obvious and unhelpful advice: "On the remote chance that you are correct that your wife has never encountered racism in her life, you will surely give her a good dose of it when you announce you'd prefer your child to be white. Cheers. Now punch yourself in the face."

Between the ostracizing grandmother, the bride hoping her pregnant friend has a miscarriage, and Mr. Personality here, it's like National Asshole Week in Ask Prudie.

Not only is he a giant asshole but he might actually get his wish without his wife knowing he is an racist asshat, because due to supply and demand, Asian egg can cost 2-3 times as much as other ethnicities and take a lot longer to find a donor.

Also, I love this line from his letter:

(We decided against adoption because we would have no biological connection to our children.

If they are going with egg donation than his wife will still not have any biological connection to their children.

Yeah but shes not white so who cares. Got to keep the master race a-roaring!

I like Prudie's comment:

And how grotesque that now that her eggs are out of the picture, you’ve decided this is a great opportunity to keep your kids from being mixed race.

That's basically the nub of the issue; his concern about the children experiencing "racism" is just window dressing.

Ordering takeout is cheating

1. No, it's not.
2. Put it in your own serving dishes.
3. You had to write in to Dear Margo to figure that out?

/I'm a dick

I'm sad for both the grandmother and grandchild in the first letter, but it still pisses me off that the grandmother doesn't recognize grieving when it's not the way SHE wants it to be. Give the kid a break. Yeesh.

Yeah, that makes sense. Let's just unfeelingly cut a grandchild out of the family after her father dies because she isn't crying enough.