Advice Columns

I took all her references to "meeting up" and "getting together" to mean that she has been sleeping with, or at least hooking up in some fashion with, these guys. Blech.

Prudie has some winners today. I was side-eying the letter-writer in the first question - until I got to the Fiance of the Year in the middle of the third page.

I liked the woman who was asked to be the wet nurse for her sister-in-law. It's almost like she thought the proposal to be a wet nurse was just a polite way for her rich relatives to give her money. "I said no to the deal, but then they got offended when I suggested they give us money for doing nothing! What gives?!"

I was side-eying the letter-writer in the first question - until I got to the Fiance of the Year in the middle of the third page.

While the fiance is a delusional dick (you can't waive responsibility to children in an agreement, the judge rules in the best interest of the child regardless) but I don't understand how you agree to marry someone and think that someone who is so against having children he wants an agreement not to have them would:

it seems possible that my fiancé could change his mind when he is older.

Whether or not you want to have children isn't a small thing when it comes to marriage and if you are not on the same page now, you really shouldn't be getting married.

I read that and my immediate response was wedding is off! If you think you might want kids, don't marry someone who doesn't want them.

Also, what the hell is an anti-adoption advocate? Why would anyone chose to do that?

I have a friend whose niece is adopted, and there are anti-adoption advocates. The bio mother was a young college student, first person in her family to go to college, and the nurses and other staff at the hospital spent most of the labor trying to talk her out of giving up her baby for adoption. I've also seen a lot of people online who are anti-adoption.

Of all the ridiculous BS in that chat, I found the anti-adoption advocate to be the worst.

I don't read Prudie every day, so my apologies for posting old columns that people may already have read (what usually happens is someone posts a Slate article and I get into the link-clicking black hole). This one, though, is just FULL of winners. Including:

1. My husband left our 3-month-old home alone (and the front door open) at night while partying at the neighbor's. He had a baby monitor though so he figures it was fine.
   
2. Book-club "friend" wouldn't stop tickling my 2-year-old, who hated it and actively tried to get away. "Friend" just giggled and kept doing it. The 10th time, I snapped and told her to stop and that we were leaving. Do I owe her an apology?
   
3. I have this 20-years-older friend and he has a new girlfriend and they, my boyfriend and I were all having brunch and she cornered me in the bathroom and told me to stay away from her man. WTF?
   
4. My wife left me for my cousin. How can I make everything as awkward, over-complicated, and drama-laden as possible for our young children by torturously attempting to explain the concept of Shakespearean-style incest to them?
   
5. I want to propose to my girlfriend. But my buddy is afraid that if I do that, HIS girlfriend will be mad at him. Totally reasonable, right?
   
6. And finally, I think Prudie's advice is way off for this one. Q: My mom is leaving her 33-year marriage and running away with an old flame. She does nothing but drama-queen to everyone about it at all hours, and the rest of the family keeps calling me and drama-queening at ME about it. Now a bunch of other relatives just found out and now THEY want to call me up all the time and freak out about it. What should I do? Prudie: Have your mother checked out by a doctor.

And that's not even mentioning the one that made the headline, which is about a sex doll.

Suddenly I feel a lot better about myself.

Instant Monkeys wrote:[*]I want to propose to my girlfriend. But my buddy is afraid that if I do that, HIS girlfriend will be mad at him. Totally reasonable, right?

Sadly, I saw this happen with two couples where the guys are friends. I don't think there was any pressure to not propose, but right after 1st couple got engaged, the female in the 2nd couple got pissed that her guy hadn't proposed yet. ugh Yeah.

2.Book-club "friend" wouldn't stop tickling my 2-year-old, who hated it and actively tried to get away. "Friend" just giggled and kept doing it. The 10th time, I snapped and told her to stop and that we were leaving. Do I owe her an apology?

I loved Prudie's response to that one - basically, no, you don't owe her an apology, and it's time to make her an EX-friend. I agree completely. People who keep bugging little kids like that because they think it's funny or cute make my blood boil.

I also loved the one that, paraphrased, was "I go to a book club and really enjoy having a solitary commute so that I have some "me" time. I was talked into car-pooling with another member, who can't drive because he's blind. I've discovered that he's an annoying dick and desperately want to stop driving him. Help!" I can SO identify with that one. When I attended university, a friend asked if I'd drive a neighbour of hers, since he was going to the same university and didn't have a car. I said "sure", and that's when my hatred of car-pooling began. For starters, he never offered to pay me a dime for the door-to-door delivery I provided (my fault for not asking for payment up front, I know, but it never occurred to me that he wouldn't even offer). For another thing, he constantly made fun of my accent (I'm of British heritage, and while I grew up in Canada, occasionally some Brit creeps into my speech). I finally told him that my schedule had drastically changed (which was a complete fabrication) and therefore I couldn't drive him anymore. He was PISSED, but when I returned to driving solo, I felt like I'd escaped from jail.

Sounds like a variation on why I dreaded dorm life at college so very, very much.

Oh god, the first letter.

I think we can all agree that the boss and co-workers in this situation are behaving abysmally. I think she definitely has grounds for a harassment suit.

But honestly. How hard is it to wait until you get home to masturbate? Or at least make sure the door is locked?

Dan Savage had a similar letter from a guy about a week ago. He's not being sexually harassed, if I recall correctly, but he did get caught masturbating at work in the bathroom by a co-worker who told other people. I read on jezebel (link possibly nsfw) that Prudence and Cary Tennis were both pranked by the same fake letter writer. (It was the woman that let her children fondle her breasts...I saw it on Dear Prudence but I can only manage to get through a sentence of Since You Asked.) I wonder if this is the same type of thing?

I feel really bad for the little girl in the letter from the grandmother. Basically comes down to, "I totally love my step-granddaughter and she clearly sees me as her grandmother, but I don't actually want to pay for her to come on a trip with my real grandchildren! That's like an extra $300!! So, how do I nicely tell it's nothing personal, but she will never rank the same as her brothers b/c we're not blood related? Thanks!"

Jamie wrote:Dan Savage had a similar letter from a guy about a week ago. He's not being sexually harassed, if I recall correctly, but he did get caught masturbating at work in the bathroom by a co-worker who told other people. I read on jezebel (link possibly nsfw) that Prudence and Cary Tennis were both pranked by the same fake letter writer. (It was the woman that let her children fondle her breasts...I saw it on Dear Prudence but I can only manage to get through a sentence of Since You Asked.) I wonder if this is the same type of thing?

Considering Prudence mentioned that a similar situation had just happened on Girls, I wouldn't be surprised.

I hope that's what is going on, otherwise there is a chronic masturbation at work crisis going on that I had no idea existed until now.

Rhilin wrote:

Jamie wrote:Dan Savage had a similar letter from a guy about a week ago. He's not being sexually harassed, if I recall correctly, but he did get caught masturbating at work in the bathroom by a co-worker who told other people. I read on jezebel (link possibly nsfw) that Prudence and Cary Tennis were both pranked by the same fake letter writer. (It was the woman that let her children fondle her breasts...I saw it on Dear Prudence but I can only manage to get through a sentence of Since You Asked.) I wonder if this is the same type of thing?

Considering Prudence mentioned that a similar situation had just happened on Girls, I wouldn't be surprised.

What was with the name dropping in Prudie's answer, she mentioned 50 Shades of Grey (man, that thing is inescapable anymore!) and Girls in one little paragraph. It sounded more like a promotional piece than an advice column at first.

It makes me feel better about the world to assume it's fake, so I've decide to believe this.

Have we ever talked about Captain Awkward before? This letter raised my eyebrows.

If the LW seriously vanished from her social circle for seven whole years, on what planet does she think she can just come back and be invited to everything and treated just the same as she was before, even though she hasn't been a presence in their lives for the better part of a decade? Real relationships aren't things you can pause like tivo and come back when you feel like it to find them just the way you left them. I'm sure her friends were supportive of her educational goals, but that doesn't mean they haven't been carrying on without her the same as she's been carrying on without them, and it's weird to me that she seems honestly surprised and hurt that she's not treated like they're close anymore just because she calls them up after seven years and years all, "Hi, guys! I'm available to hang out again!"

Also, her boyfriend is probably totally doing the Warcraft lady. That situation is sketch as hell. They haven't had sex in years, he gave her the, "I love you but I'm not in love with you," talk, and then he's all, "I'm going to spend the weekend in a hotel room with my female internet friend whom you don't know but I promise it's totally innocent?" Yeah, no.

She doesn't seem to understand social cues or that friendships need to go two ways. The fact that it doesn't seem to have occurred to her to call her old friends up and invite them to do something is really sad.

From the column:

Some people, especially Geeks, are allergic to “trouble” or “drama”

I read "Geeks" as "Greeks" and was like, "Well, THAT'S not true." Heh.

Agreed on all counts. And also, I love Captain Awkward. Recently discovered her, and devoured the archives. Love.

That lady seems way deep in denial. And also socially awkward as hell, and maybe sort of emotionally selfish?

I agree, she did seem emotionally selfish. She seemed to have a lot of hurt and feelings of entitlement directed towards her friends...what did she expect, after she dropped them for seven years? Also, the always getting into altercations at parties seemed immature and rather sketchy? I can't imagine someone making a statement at *every* public gathering she's at that has to be challenged or argued over. The LW seems to be the constant in terms of conflict here. There were just a lot of red flags in the letter, she seems like she needs a lot of therapy.

Yeah, that was one thing that stuck out to me too. I mean, if EVERY GATHERING of your friends leads to something being said that's so repulsive that you need to start a fight, you need new friends, because they suck.