Advice Columns

The Platonic ideal of a Since You Asked letter. This LW hits every single Cary Tennis mark: late twenties, suffering from ennui, wants to be a writer but isn't actually writing anything, pretentious philosopher name dropping, experimentation with psychedelics, what's the point of even having a job, nihilism, fretting about how to "satiate my ever-curious soul," it's all in there.

Also, living in a "cottage" behind his parents' home (I like to think the square quotes around "cottage" are because it's the equivalent of that house they were going to have to move into in Downton Abbey where they only had room for 8 servants). And a weird focus on high school. It really does have everything.

Wow, that letter-writer is in desperate need of a dose of the real world. And perhaps a punch in the nose.

Oh, FUCK that guy. When I was 27 and unemployed, I was freelancing and taking any crappy office job I could find so we didn't lose the house, not sitting around le cottage and wallowing in a puddle of my own disaffectedness. Fuck him.

He needs to get out of his own head, out of his own ASS, get a fucking job, and learn how the world works. The ultimate in a spoiled pampered "oh woe I am so smart and philosophical and BIG THOUGHTS and the world doesn't understand my delicate perspective" manchild. Smack.

It explains a lot that Cary Tennis was a devotee of Henry James. He actually gave some good advice this time, though.

Also, there was a letter in Dear Abby today in which someone asked whether it was still considered rude to text someone during a church sermon.

I'm pretty sure for all the letter-writer's namedropping, he didn't really grasp very much of the big ideas Camus and Dostoevsky were trying to get across. (Or maybe he skipped all of Dostoevsky's major/later works where the dude had really embraced Orthodox Christianity? And like, the whole point with Camus is that sure, life has no inherent meaning, but then it's up to you to make your own meaning, not that OMG LIFE MEANS NOTHING. The meaning of your life can be "earn a decent paycheck so I can have Nice Things," if that's what floats your boat.)

I think Camus had a character in one of his novels who was exactly the kind of writer I suspect the LW would be: a man who spends the entire novel--many, many months--working on ONE SENTENCE.

I personally know a number of lazy, unambitious people, but they all have jobs because they need to pay the bills somehow and their parents are unable or unwilling (or both) to put them up in a "cottage" while they brood in the most bourgeois manner imaginable.

That guy reminds me of Paul Kinsey from Mad Men. Kinsey would have written a letter just like that.

Something tells me that guy wears a fedora VERY SERIOUSLY.

A friend of a friend started this amazing tumblr where she takes letters from advice columns and writes her own terrible enabling responses to them. I thought this one was especially good.

OK, this site is HILARIOUS. And I am pleased to see some recent classics addressed, such as should I put my dead wife's vibrator on Craigslist and I'm a writer validate meeeeeeeeeeee I live in a cottage. Kudos to your FOAF.

I'd love to know what this "cottage" is. A guest house? A treehouse? The dog house?

Thanks to "cottage" guy for perpetuating the stereotype that all adults who still live at home do so because they're misunderstood "philosophers."

That was SO out of line, right? It's wrong to poison cats, obviously, but those poor neighbors!

I didn't really get what was up with the husband whose wife is mad that her teens aren't really into going to church. What does she want him to do about it?

That second letter could have been written by me, except substitute "visit grandparents" for "go to church". I hate visiting my mother-in-law. I find her boring, cold, humorless, and just downright unlikeable. My teenage daughters now feel the same way (you may recall me posting about the kerfuffle last year when they refused to go to my in-laws' 50th anniversary tea). I know that a lot of folks probably feel that I should somehow force them to go, but my attitude is "They're almost adults (one of them is an adult). I'd have a job on my hands 'forcing' them to do anything, and considering that I hate those visits myself, I'm not going to do that."

My granddaughter is a hoooooooor and so is her mother and also I'm rich

Why do I get the impression there's another side to this story?

The comments about the granddaughter being marketed with grown up hair and makeup make me wonder if she does pageants. No clue why her grandmother thinks her chances for happiness in her life are zero because she has a Facebook account. How weird. And why does she expect Abby to help her choose who should inherit her money? There are thousands of charities out there, if she really feels that strongly about it. But it seems pretty mean to refuse to pass on family heirlooms because you don't like your granddaughter's makeup.

Everyone in the comments to that site seems to think the girl's mother is pimping her to human traffickers!

If the kid literally has a Facebook account that was set up for her by her mother in which she pretends to be 17 and tries to meet guys online, that is indeed very troubling. But to put it mildly, I think we can all agree that grandmothers don't always completely understand Facebook and how it works.

Except I think by "Interested in men" she just means that section of the profile that they ask along with "What religion are you" and "Where are you from?" It also says she's "in a relationship" which either means she has a boyfriend at school or her mom set that to keep creepy guys from emailing her.

My guess is she wanted to play games on Facebook and her mom didn't want to let her use her account. It's not like Facebook is OKCupid. Her social network probably doesn't go outside kids from her school.

Yeah, see... I would be more inclined to think the mother was out there catfishing guys on her own behalf. I mean, not that the grandmother would have any idea what that was, but the question I would be asking is what is the mother specifically getting out of lying about the daughter's age.

Except I think by "Interested in men" she just means that section of the profile that they ask along with "What religion are you" and "Where are you from?" It also says she's "in a relationship" which either means she has a boyfriend at school or her mom set that to keep creepy guys from emailing her.

Or, you know, that.

Sars, I'm due in 6 weeks and my husband refuses to stop staying out until 4 am, and won't stay in communication, and doesn't feel bad about it. How can I deal with this without seeming naggy?

Oh my God, this is the saddest letter to the Vine in a long, long time.

Oh, man. I actually guessed that he must be a chef before the LW said so in the comments, because my sister used to tell me about how many chefs end up doing cocaine (mostly to get through long hectic night shifts) when she was in culinary school. Drinking, too. So Sars is correct about the "co-morbidity" there.

Man. "Insecure attachment" and "neglected child" are so obviously things he's said to her and made her believe, too. I hope someone drops a rack of pans on him.

The husband is a total dick of the highest order. I hope she can get (and stay) far away from him; as most of the responses said, she is essentially doing this on her own anyway.

vwlphb wrote:Except I think by "Interested in men" she just means that section of the profile that they ask along with "What religion are you" and "Where are you from?" It also says she's "in a relationship" which either means she has a boyfriend at school or her mom set that to keep creepy guys from emailing her.

Right...that's why I think this may be a case of "Grandma doesn't understand the Facebooks."

The husband is a total dick of the highest order. I hope she can get (and stay) far away from him; as most of the responses said, she is essentially doing this on her own anyway.

Agreed. But the real question for this poor pregnant woman is how did she manage to sustain a marriage with this guy for three years (let alone want to start a family with) someone who treats her with such blatant disrespect and no common decency?

Right...that's why I think this may be a case of "Grandma doesn't understand the Facebooks."

Yup. Grandma doesn't understand what the internet is for. It's for porn, funny cats, and for teenagers to make lies about how old and cool they are. If that's the flimsy excuse she needs to cut off an inheritance of her grandchild, I'm willing to bet she was just looking for an excuse. If not FB now, then later about how the kid dresses or god forbid acts when she does hit her teen years, and from the tone of that letter she just HATES her ex-DIL. Grandma seems like a real charmer.