Re: Advice Columns

mayram Sat May 18, 2013 3:10 pm

Poubelle wrote:Yeah, I think Facebook events have added to that expectation, too. I also don't understand why you'd hide the list? Your guests are going to find out anyway, and if there's that much bad blood between people that they can't know they're invited to the same event, maybe they shouldn't both be invited. And they're almost certainly going to ask in that case. (I mean, I don't think it's out of bounds to find out if, say, your ex from a recent, raw breakup is going to be there or not.)

I've also been to too many parties where I barely know anyone besides the host. I always feel very proud of my social skills afterward, but I do prefer hanging with people I already know.

Yeah, I think the letter writer was off base in assuming that people only wanted to know who was coming because her company wasn't enough a draw. I always scan the list of invitees for people I DON'T want to see. And with certain people, yeah, their presence is enough of a deterrent that I'll take a pass on something I'd otherwise attend but it's no reflection on the host in those cases.

Binky Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:34 pm

I'm baffled at the letter from the lady 'seething' that her elderly father remarried (many years after her parents' divorce and not to a mistress) and appears to be furious that he's happy. I just don't get it - she notes in the letter that they had a good relationship after the divorce, although she doesn't say why the mother left him.

Jamie Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:43 pm

That letter was weird. She mentioned that her dad helped her and her sisters each buy a house, which had nothing to do with the question. And then she hates that her perfectly nice step-siblings are living in her childhood house. There's got to be more going on there.

mayram Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:54 pm

Binky wrote:I'm baffled at the letter from the lady 'seething' that her elderly father remarried (many years after her parents' divorce and not to a mistress) and appears to be furious that he's happy. I just don't get it - she notes in the letter that they had a good relationship after the divorce, although she doesn't say why the mother left him.

Yeah, that one was a head-scratcher. I can understand someone having a deeply unreasonable response to seeing a parent with a new spouse when they realize they are being ridiculous and childish but they just can't help it deep down.

BUT, most people would realize that they're being unfair and try to get over themselves. The last line of the letter was "How do I get through to him?", which indicates that she thinks he's done something wrong and she needs to show him the error of his ways in daring to be happy. Sure hope she can "get through to him" and explain that he should be a lonely old man instead for the sake of her happiness. Jeez.

How do I tell my wife that we can afford the liposuction I think she needs?

Another prize in this one.

biakbiak Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:56 pm

Also, I don't think she understands what the word "like" means, she states that she likes her but will now refuse to visit her or accept her invitations!

Eris Rising Thu Jun 06, 2013 4:01 pm

biakbiak wrote:Also, I don't think she understands what the word "like" means, she states that she likes her but will now refuse to visit her or accept her invitations!

My wife's reaction: "THEY HAVE A NEW GRANDMA! SHE WANTS TO BE INVOLVED! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

bookworm Thu Jun 06, 2013 4:52 pm

I think one of the commenters hit the nail on the head: She is not happy about the new family getting his money. The line about buying the daughters houses gives it away, but she doesn't want to admit it in a letter.

Poubelle Thu Jun 13, 2013 3:00 am

This first Ask Polly letter. OMG. What a pair of gems!

(And seriously, where do people get the idea that divorce is worse for kids than growing up with an alcoholic parent in the house? I have never met anybody who was all "I'm so glad my parents stayed together even though my dad was a drunk. That was definitely a happier, more stable situation than living WITHOUT an addict around, yes sir!")

ActonBell Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:21 am

Poubelle wrote:(And seriously, where do people get the idea that divorce is worse for kids than growing up with an alcoholic parent in the house? I have never met anybody who was all "I'm so glad my parents stayed together even though my dad was a drunk. That was definitely a happier, more stable situation than living WITHOUT an addict around, yes sir!")

My mom thought this, and while my dad eventually stopped drinking when I was an adult it would have done me a world of good if they had split when I was young. It was not a good environment to grow up in.

That letter writer, though...I don't even know where to begin with all of the bad choices being made.

Shalamar Thu Jun 13, 2013 1:59 pm

I love her attitude about "I'm smarter than he is." That's as may be, but Lord, she's made some stupid choices for a smart person. She got married VERY young, she married a guy who has a McJob and no ambition, she had two kids in rapid succession, and she's living in her parents' basement. I'm not sure why she's now going "Gee, life isn't exactly turning out liked I'd hoped." When did she think that her husband was going to miraculously turn into the ambitious go-getter that she assumed he'd be?

QueenSix Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:42 pm

Poor creature might be one of those who married the local bad(ish) boy and what she found endearing when she was a teenager is now a complete pain in the arse now that she's realised she's minding three kids instead of two. She said, she's what 22 and he's thirty? Regarding her parents, I can tell you now that there's no way I'd be paying out a ton of money so my 19 year old daughter could marry a 27/28 year old with few prospects. I know that you can say Don't Marry That Waster until you're blue in the face and a 19 year old won't listen, but I wouldn't be doing anything to encourage it, that's for sure.

Gilraen Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:47 pm

My friend was telling me about her step-brother and his wife last night; except for a few discrepancies re the ages of the children, it could have been written by her. It's depressing how often this kind of situation crops up.

VodouDoll Sat Jun 15, 2013 12:57 am

Yeesh. That marriage sounds like my personal hell. They're both awful.

And what's with her wanting to make a career as an anthropologist? Does she get that it would take her, like, at least a decade of school and SO MUCH field work? She might as well say she wants to be an astronaut, for how realistic it is that, given the choices she's made so far and her current situation, she'll be able to support her children via anthropology.

chibimanda Sat Jun 15, 2013 1:18 am

I wanted to be an anthropologist once....when I was 10. (This is not a slam on anyone who is/knows anthropologists. I also wanted to be a veterinarian and marine biologist, but then I realized just how much work was involved in those careers and my naturally lazy self rebelled)

inversed Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:25 am

Neither of those characters sound like prizes. The husband sounds like a selfish lout, but the wife sounds like one of those delusional people who blame everyone else for their lives not being as amazing as they want instead of realizing that you actually have to DO THINGS to make them happen. And those things aren't incessant nagging and yelling. I hope those poor kids' grandparents get them out of that house a lot.

punkysdilemma Thu Jun 27, 2013 3:53 pm

The oldest 12-year-old I've ever heard of

Bonus letter from someone wondering if there is a gift value threshold at which a thank-you note is unnecessary. Oh boy.

Poubelle Fri Jun 28, 2013 2:18 am

I think this commenter figured out who the handshake kid is:

Sheldon!

Stop bothering Miss Manners!!!!!!

Leonard

Though I could see Sheldon having the same idea about a prerequisite base monetary value for thank-you notes.

Shalamar Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:41 am

Wow, that gift-threshold letter writer is a piece of work. Did it occur to her that the gift-giver might be broke, and $25 was all he/she could afford? Yeesh.

SelfAmused Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:51 am

Apparently, it's Trainwreck Thursday on Dear Prudence. We've got two instances of inappropriate mentor relationships, a dad with a hidden criminal past, and a husband who, in spite of his wife's discomfort and disgust, wants to experiment with using his wife's breast milk to make a creamy mushroom pasta sauce.

Putli Bai Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:02 pm

Ugh.

It did remind me of this column I meant to link from last week: Dear Prudence. The first letter is bad enough, but if I'd been the girlfriend in that second letter? Oy.

Lily Rose Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:45 pm

Putli Bai wrote:Ugh.

It did remind me of this column I meant to link from last week: Dear Prudence. The first letter is bad enough, but if I'd been the girlfriend in that second letter? Oy.

JFC, there would have been blood if my boyfriend's mother had come into MY HOME and changed everything. Like, call the cops, there's been a murder. And the fact that her boyfriend is like it's no biggie? He would have been next.

Instant Monkeys Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:08 pm

Boy, that whole column is a winner. Then you have the coworker who wants to alert HR because they "caught" their Muslim colleague eating an orange slice during Ramadan: a perfect shimmering example of concern trolling. And round it off with the lady who had period of poverty/family illness, lost some teeth as a result, is now made fun of by people in the office for not yet having been able to come up with the 7 grand it's going to cost to get her teeth replaced, and according to several commenters lost her teeth because she was dumb and/or lazy.

QueenSix Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:36 pm

Oh noes, someone observing Ramadan ate an orange??? A frickin' orange? Jeebus, I didn't even last a week off bread this past Lent and that was only bread. I didn't give up anything else. That's how bad a Catholic I am; I wouldn't last 24 hours doing Ramadan.

Gallifrey Girl Thu Jul 25, 2013 10:02 pm

Instant Monkeys wrote:And round it off with the lady who had period of poverty/family illness, lost some teeth as a result, is now made fun of by people in the office for not yet having been able to come up with the 7 grand it's going to cost to get her teeth replaced, and according to several commenters lost her teeth because she was dumb and/or lazy.

Wow, that makes me really, really sad. I don't get people sometimes.

Gilraen Thu Jul 25, 2013 11:07 pm

QueenSix wrote:Oh noes, someone observing Ramadan ate an orange??? A frickin' orange? Jeebus, I didn't even last a week off bread this past Lent and that was only bread. I didn't give up anything else. That's how bad a Catholic I am; I wouldn't last 24 hours doing Ramadan.

Especially this year. I have a friend who had been setting her alarm for 3:30am so she can take the medication she has to take a half hour before eating; eating breakfast at 4am; and then she can't eat or drink again until 8:30pm.

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