Guess Who Don't Sue

Let’s take a break from the Twilight despair to get into some sexual produce.

They’ve been together a while now. They’re beautiful and fashionable and they’ve travelled the world. This sense of adventure extends beyond geography. After so many years, it would appear that these two are still super hot for each other.

At a party very recently, they wandered into the garden. They started kissing, rubbing, grinding. He went between her thighs...with his hands...and an accessory.

A cucumber.

In the garden.

At a party.

With a cucumber.

She enjoyed it.

They didn’t know at the time but there was an audience. When they figured that out they were obviously mortified. They’re a lot luckier than Kristen Stewart though. The evidence in this case will not be published.

blixie wrote:I was hoping it came from some sort farm to table/slow food local now food miles crap display. If he picked it up from the garden I hope at least he cleaned it!

OTOH I've heard that he wanted to leave so...

1. There’s been an interesting development in the relationship of this TV girl. Her boyfriend – who is neither famous nor wealthy – isn’t too happy about her fake-dating a TV Guy with whom she appeared on one season of popular show. So he got hold of some very compromising photos of the TV Guy with his Boyfriend (who has also appeared on the same show), and told TV Guy that he was going to send them to the tabloids.

TV Guy totally panicked. Heturned to a good pal of his, Rich Guy, for advice and help. Rich Guy – who is more high profile, on more television shows, and has more money than everyone else in this blind combined – said that the best way to keep TV Girl’s real boyfriend quiet was to offer him some hush money. He even generously gave the TV Guy the money for the payoff. Why would Rich Guy do that? Well, it’s in his best interest, too. He is fake-dating the TV Guy’s sister. He knows that if one of these fake relationships was disclosed, they could all come tumbling down like dominoes.

2. She may be in a committed relationship, but this multi-hyphenate girl sure isn’t acting like it! She has been out partying practically every night. And although she isn’t drinking in public, she is certainly acting like she is under the influence of some substance.

On a recent night out at a bar in a hotel in New York, she spent a lot of bodyguard-protected time in the restroom. When she came out, she stumbled around aimlessly, holding onto walls and people for support. When a song came on that she liked, she grabbed a cute guy and pulled him out for a very physical encounter on the dance floor. Let’s just say that it sure didn’t look like she was practicing her wedding dance. We wonder how many calories she expended stroking, grinding, and kissing this complete stranger. We hope the exercise was worth it!

3. This award-winning actress is facing bad news in every direction. Her acting career is waning; she’s unable to get her body to look the way she wants it to look; and her business is failing. We’re talking about a pretty major meltdown on all fronts. Not that you’ll hear her admitting any of these things. No, she just keeps telling big lies about how great everything is going.

The good news is that she has finally given up trying to nail a popular young actor. It’s not because she doesn’t think she could land him. It’s because she found out that he actually makes fun of her behind her back.

4. Little Man 1 set up an elaborate production that was supposed to be fronted by Little Man 2. But Little Man 2 lost control of his personal life.

So Little Man 1 approached a very controlling Actress. Would she be interested in stepping up? This presented a dilemma for the Actress. She had originally been lobbying for her husband to take over Little Man 1’s role, but Husband was not exactly leadership material right now. So the Actress is seriously considering taking on the responsibility herself. While she doesn’t have nearly the star power or reach of Little Man 2 or her husband, she rather likes the prospect of being in a position of power greater than that of both Little Man 2 and her Husband. This will not end well.

5. [Hollywood Dame] This B/C list celebrity couple’s marriage is on the rocks. They are spending more time together to try and reforge their marriage, but he is too focused on his career and sexting a flight attendant he hooked up with a couple of times. Since he was caught cheating, the couple have been taking pricey vacations together on his dime. She is now carrying all the power in the relationship and calling the shots.

6. [Celebzter] We tend to be reluctant to drop blind items, but what has just landed in our inbox leaves us totally perplexed.

We’re not even sure it is a blind item – maybe a fairytale gone awry.

But news just came in that someone is willing to forgive and forget.

Tut, tut, tut…once a cheater, always a cheater.

Excuses, excuses….

Guesses were Demi and Efron, but is she really award-winning? Apparently she's won some Razzies, I guess...

Well, I'm assuming this is either R.Pattz or Rupert Sanders' wife. SIGH to both. SIGH regardless.

We are always alerting you to the newest fake couple. Today, we want to alert you to a new real couple!

This is all her doing. The two actors were colleagues, and remained good friends after their project ended. The truth is that they have always been attracted each other. But they were always in committed relationships with other people. The only place they were a couple was in the annals of fan fiction. Until now…

He left his wife over a year ago, and she just left her boyfriend. Now that her personal relationship has collapsed, however, the path is clear for them to be a real couple! She is encouraging him to announce his divorce, and, once he does, they will start making appearances together. We don’t have an exact time frame for this announcement, but hear that it may be before year’s end (it depends on the cooperation of his wife). Truth be told, we’re pretty excited about it. And we know that their fans will completely freak out!

Raksha wrote:I haven't been in X-Files fandom for years and years. Is it still active/intense enough to produce some amusing meltdowns/celebrations? If so, I really hope that's true.