Fifty Shades of Grey

So, Mark has to read the next two now. Because I enjoy watching him suffer, apparently. That video was hilarious, poor Mark. I haven't kept up with his site lately, but the poor, poor guy, if this is what he has to do for charity. I think his face was basically what I must have looked like when I read the Fifty Shades of Suck tumblr.

I have a RL friend who posted last night on her Facebook page, "Guys, should I break down and buy "50 Shades of Grey"? I understand it's poorly written so I'll probably hate it, but everyone else is reading it, and I feel as though maybe I should, too. Help me, guys -- what should I do??"

So of course, I gave my opinion, but within minutes I was outnumbered and outvoted by all her other friends/acquaintances going, "BUY IT!! IT MIGHT BE KIND OF POORLY WRITTEN, BUT YOU MUST READ IT!!!"

I begged her to consider just searching for the fanfic online and not paying for it, but ultimately, I'm guessing I failed. And you know, whatever -- it's her money. But...ugh.

I will say that I'm SO sick of seeing all the "Should X play Christian Grey?" everywhere I turn. I keep hoping the overexposure will eventually make everyone tire of this whole thing, but I'm not holding my breath.

If you don't have time to watch the whole video, make sure to at least watch everything from 16:30 on. It's deeply amusing.

See, here's the weird thing: if Fifty Shades gives us anything, I honestly hope it's there to allow women to embrace their own sexuality and be more kinky. Yes, I get that it's not about 'real' BDSM. Yes, I get that Christian Grey is a controlling asshole, but if women become more sexually confident because they read something they'd like to do and explore it, maybe it's a good thing.

*sigh* Maybe I've become unrealistic and optimistic in my old age.

But I couldn't help laughing the other day, walking with my partner in a store and we saw FSOG being looked at and I whispered to him: "and the only thing I can think of is unwashed butt plugs!

Call me a cynic but I will be highly highly stunned if 50 Shades of Grey is putting out anything even resembling positive female sexuality.

Kiran wrote:Call me a cynic but I will be highly highly stunned if 50 Shades of Grey is putting out anything even resembling positive female sexuality.

I agree with this. Not once in the book does Ana take charge of her own sexuality; it's always Christian's call. BDSM or no, that is a horrible "lesson."

That Mark Reads video is hilarious! It's been such a long time since I read the fanfic, but hearing even small sections of the text brings it alllll back.

I would hope if any woman does get ideas from this book, it's more about techniques, than it is cues on how to behave with a man. I'm still baffled that women think Christian Grey is the ideal guy. To each her own and all that, but...really?

Even the technique is shoddy. I mean that tampon thing? THAT WOULD HURT. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

Also that poor maid. That poor fucking maid. Is she afraid of him deporting her or something?

Kiran wrote:Even the technique is shoddy. I mean that tampon thing? THAT WOULD HURT. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

THANK YOU. Seriously, HOW is that supposed to be sexy in any way?!

Kiran wrote:Even the technique is shoddy. I mean that tampon thing? THAT WOULD HURT. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.?

I was actually thinking more of female-on-male type techniques rather than male-on-female, because I would never defend in any way anything "Christian" does. Again, I loathe that character. And I'll add that if the author thinks his taking her virginity the way he does is erotic...well, I just deleted what I said, having thought better than to post it.

Mark Reads "Fifty Shades" (via PrincessCleo on Twitter)

I've never seen Mark before, but for some reason his reading of the "I have needs. Bathroom needs." line sent me into hysterics.

God I wish all these women reading FSoG would pick up some Joey Hill or something.

My favorite part of that whole video was toward the end when he just sort of succumbs to barely coherent disbelief, then stunned silence. I would pay money for a video series of him reading the entire book.

Karina Smirnoff on 'Fifty Shades': "Friends told me it was a must-read, so I finally gave in and bought it. It's definitely the kind of book that makes you blush, yet it's so well-written."

BWAH-HA-HA!!!

Someone in the Mad Men forums at TWoP was comparing Don and Megan's relationship to the one in 50 Shades. Somebody make this book go away!

Wow. Don is a jerk, but even he is not as obnoxious as Christian Grey.

My friend that I talked about earlier, the one who was asking on Facebook if she should buy the book or not? Just ended a post with "Laters, baby!"

Apparently she went with the majority opinion. She bought it, and now she loves it. A LOT. At this point I can only guess that the pages of those books are printed with crack. After all, it worked for Twilight.

Regarding the hardware stores selling out of rope: I don't know anything about the practice of BDSM, but don't you have to learn how to do these things properly with the right equipment, in order not to hurt yourself? Somehow I doubt a kinky romance novel everyone is bandwagoning is the best instruction manual. I hate fads in general, and the way the media is acting like nobody ever heard of BDSM before this book came out is driving me crazy. I have some foolish relatives who have no opinions other than what they get from the TV, and I dread the day they get their hands on this book.

Luthien wrote:Regarding the hardware stores selling out of rope: I don't know anything about the practice of BDSM, but don't you have to learn how to do these things properly with the right equipment, in order not to hurt yourself?

Yes. Yes you do. We'll probably start hearing about deaths and injuries caused by attemps to recreate the book any day now.

Bret Easton Ellis tweeted that he'd be interested in writing the screenplay. It may have been a joke, but I kind of like it. At least you'd know it would be appropriately fucked up.

The article also mentions there is apparently a rumor that Angelina Jolie was approached to direct it. Pure internet bullshit, but entertaining. Reach for the stars, 50 Shade fans! If you build it, or at least keep saying it on the interwebs, they will come!

If the movie has the right director and the right casting, it might be good. It can't be as bad as the book, though. It just can't.

I think if a movie actually does get made, I think it'll turn out like the Left Behind movies in terms of quality. Those movies aren't good by any stretch of the imagination, but they're still not as godawful as the books.

As for that hardware stores selling out of rope thing: The thought of using the kind of rope we used around the farm for horse-related stuff to tie people up for sexy times makes me cringe! A friend of mine used to work at TwistedMonk making rope specifically for BDSM use and it's very different than regular kinds of rope.

I call bullshit on the rope thing. More PR nonsense, I bet.

I continue to be amazed at the PR surrounding this. It's so shameless. Dropping Angelina Jolie's name, despite her reps saying there was no truth to it (and as someone who follows Angelina closely, trust me, her reps do NOT respond to every rumor, so they REALLY wanted it out there that this was fake). That ridiculous story about Ari Emmanuel telling E.L. James that Michelle Obama just LOVED the book. It's kind of insulting.

And now, I guess since ripping off Stephenie Meyers once worked out so well, may as well go for it a second time.

Thinking of rewriting the trilogy from Christian's POV

If E.L. James is not going to give the world Christian's inner gladiator and numerous descriptions of the intensity of his burning loins*, one of her fans will.

*I figure Anastasia's orgasms read like intestinal issues so Christian's will sound like he's got an STD.