Advice Columns

Raised by wolves wrote:IMO Abby didn't go hard enough.  I would have told that woman to leave.  If a spouse is having a seizure, wouldn't the first instinct be to help rather than sexually assault them?  Plus, he's having sex with her when she's unconscious?  That is just plain creepy and borders on necrophilia.  But I do love that LW says they have no issues in their 20 year marriage other than the whole rapey thing.  Other than that it's all good.

Same. Marriage counseling would imply he needed to understand what he was doing was wrong. He understands. She should get the hell out of there and ask for a restraining order.

mayram wrote:

Binky wrote:

Tabby wrote:Dear Amy, How can I make my teenage son stop being gay?

Parent's theory on why son is gay is jaw-dropping. Parent of the Year, there.

That reads as fakitty-fake-fake to me. I am sure there are idiots out there who think like that, but they usually aren't as open or self-aware as this. The part where they callously admit to missing his birthday 3 years in a row without any kind of emotion is the fake kicker to me.

Same here. Besides the birthday part, the whole "they won't see reason and won't stop being gay" sounded really fake as well.

And really, that would be the best case scenario so I'm going to go with "it's fake."

I'm not sure. When I came out, my mom's reaction besides, "No, you're not" was very close to "he won't see reason". She told me I was gay just to get back at her and the family. Oh, and there was a whole, "What happens when the neighbors find out aspect" to her reaction as well.

All of that read as accurate to me. The birthdays thing? I don't know. Parents are strange creatures when their children turn out to be different that what they expected them to be.

As for the Dear Abby letter, the letter writer needs to leave. Because, my Lord...

I thought Prudie was kind of gratuitously nasty in response to the first letter writer today. I mean, maybe the woman is heartless; or maybe she is panicked over how to support her unborn child, experiencing complicated emotions about it, and didn't think she needed to lay out her entire emotional landscape to an advice columnist.

Yeah, I thought that was pretty harsh, too. Granted, the letter writer basically said "The father of my baby just died, he was loaded, what do I do next?", but Prudie really jumped to conclusions there.

Yeah. I mean the correct answer is 'lawyer up' and inform the estate asap, but I'm not really sure there's a point to the "feel bad about yourself" part of the advice.

I thought "How do I broach the subject" implied that she realized this wasn't the best time to bring it up, and that it was not going to be an easy thing to tell the widow. And also I get her question, though she could probably wait a while given executing the estate will take a while. But any time she brings it up will be awkward, whether she does it sooner or later. Later will just add to the "Why did you wait until now? Is it even his kid?" questions.

I have to wonder whether the mention of the estate was just bad placement? Obviously it was intentional, but it's hard to tell if the letter writer meant to sound as callous. She might seriously need support for her child, and she may also wonder if his now-widow has a right to know. Unfortunately she phrased it horribly. Or she just cares about the money. It's hard to tell.

I didn't know where else to put this, this article on Dear Abby and Ann Landers is amazing.

I absolutely adore the end of the year Times Magazine. They find the most extraordinary people to highlight and memorialize and it so well researched and written. This article was such a lovely valentine to them both.

My daughter is a hooooor, it's not my fault because she is adopted

That's some good parenting, Lou.

This is one of my favorites from That Bad Advice in a while. It's like sailing a boat to the land of first-world problems and then you just keep on sailing.

Dear Prudence, first letter: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

Putli Bai wrote:Dear Prudence, first letter:  RUN AWAY!  RUN AWAY!

What the hell is wrong with all those people?!

... I was not prepared for that. Wow. I'm all for families donating willingly, but Prudence is absolutely right, this isn't so far from The Handmaid's Tale. This girl needs to get the hell out of there.

I love that the adoptive Mom has to reassure Dear Abby that they "weren't raised by a harlot." It makes you wonder if she's part of the problem, though. :/

punkysdilemma wrote:My daughter is a hooooor, it's not my fault because she is adopted

That's some good parenting, Lou.

The same could be said of LW #2. "Our daughter is such a spoiled brat, how do we fix that without actually making her mad?"

Author By Night wrote:I love that the adoptive Mom has to reassure Dear Abby that they "weren't raised by a harlot." It makes you wonder if she's part of the problem, though. :/

Oh god yes. I'm also sure that if Mom felt the burning need to tell Dear Abby that they are adopted, she's also been casting that up to her kids for their whole lives whenever she's mad at them.

Dear Polly has a real doozy of a letter. She doles out some solid advice, too.

Also, I do not understand any of the commenters that claim all the guys you meet in your 20s are emotional vampires. I have not spent my 20s putting all that much effort into dating, but I've managed to avoid them. The worst I've found is "flaky and afraid of commitment" (which lbr, is not an exclusively male problem). Like, where are you meeting dudes? I need to know what bars to avoid.

Like, sure, one or two? Or admitting maybe certain personality types attract them? But "every guy is that guy" for a DECADE, presented as a universal thing? Wtf. What are you doing?

Poubelle wrote:Dear Polly has a real doozy of a letter. She doles out some solid advice, too.

Also, I do not understand any of the commenters that claim all the guys you meet in your 20s are emotional vampires. I have not spent my 20s putting all that much effort into dating, but I've managed to avoid them. The worst I've found is "flaky and afraid of commitment" (which lbr, is not an exclusively male problem). Like, where are you meeting dudes? I need to know what bars to avoid.

Yeah, "flaky/commitmentphobic" describes my experiences. However, the guy described by the LW? A collection of red-flags shaped like a person.

Binky wrote:

Poubelle wrote:Dear Polly has a real doozy of a letter. She doles out some solid advice, too.

Also, I do not understand any of the commenters that claim all the guys you meet in your 20s are emotional vampires. I have not spent my 20s putting all that much effort into dating, but I've managed to avoid them. The worst I've found is "flaky and afraid of commitment" (which lbr, is not an exclusively male problem). Like, where are you meeting dudes? I need to know what bars to avoid.

Yeah, "flaky/commitmentphobic" describes my experiences. However, the guy described by the LW? A collection of red-flags shaped like a person.

I appreciated the fact that Polly took a moment to establish the fact vampire-boy is sad and ill, not EEEVIL, before emphasizing to the LW that he is NOT HER PROBLEM OMG and she CAN'T SAVE HIM. Attacking the poor jerk would only make LW defensive, rather than helping her focus on the real problem, which is that she desperately needs to take care of herself.

The second letter, omg. The second letter is appalling, and the response to it hilarious.

draco vulgaris wrote:The second letter, omg. The second letter is appalling, and the response to it hilarious.

The Bad Adviser has the appropriate responses in gif form.

draco vulgaris wrote:The second letter, omg. The second letter is appalling, and the response to it hilarious.

"Before you were wearing jeans—now you're wearing sterile jeans."

BRILLIANT.

I swear I saw that letter printed somewhere before, perhaps Dear Prudence, though the response was much better this time around. I have a notion someone is trolling.

Caity Weaver is the best thing about Gawker.

I particularly enjoyed his argument that this is all for the betterment of the environment.