Advice Columns

The Glen wrote:I swear I saw that letter printed somewhere before, perhaps Dear Prudence, though the response was much better this time around. I have a notion someone is trolling.

I think Prudy's letter was from the girlfriend of a sink-pee-enthusiast, and he had already progressed to making it rain when he was a guest.

I just don't know what this is even a thing. I mean, the toilet is right there.

The whole urine is sterile argument drives me nuts. Yes, urine is sterile inside the human body but as soon as it hits a non-sterile surface (like a sink or a diaper) it isn't sterile. It just becomes a non-sterile liquid that is superb for (and sometimes accelerates) bacteria growth like a culture in a petri dish.

Putli Bai wrote:

The Glen wrote:I swear I saw that letter printed somewhere before, perhaps Dear Prudence, though the response was much better this time around. I have a notion someone is trolling.

I think Prudy's letter was from the girlfriend of a sink-pee-enthusiast, and he had already progressed to making it rain when he was a guest.

I just don't know what this is even a thing. I mean, the toilet is right there.

You're right, my mistake. Though I would feel slightly better if it were the same person. I really hope there aren't many people out there urinating into sinks on the quiet.

In-laws staying for 5 months the first time you meet them?  At some point during their stay, both sets of parents in the same apartment with the couple?  That's just asking for trouble.

That's insane, and the letter under it isn't any less insane. "My husband is a total asshole and does nothing but criticize me for stupid shit like how I eat and the fact that I made cookies for our children and for magical things like how it's my fault if the kids get sick. And insults me in front of his friends. Also nobody else likes him either. Am I overreacting?"

I am so happy that this person got a smackdown. My sister went through a phase like this (when she was like seven!), where she just made up random lies for no reason that no one would ever know weren't true. Then later she would smugly inform us that she had "fooled" us. The example of telling people straightfacedly that it went down to 29 last night when it really only went down to 30 is a perfect example. I didn't pull the big-sister-lecture card very often but I did with that. It's just such a stupid thing to do. And it's not like it makes you somehow special to tell somebody something that they believe when they have no reason not to believe it. It's not like you accomplished something difficult or admirable. I'm actually astonished that people in the comments seem divided on whether it's OK. It's one thing to tell a hilarious whopper and see how over-the-top you can get. It's another entirely if someone asks you what you had for breakfast and you say eggs but you really had cereal. I mean, why?

Second letter I agree with the answer to too; if you want to try and raise money for your trip abroad, fine, but you don't have to be such a sponch about it.

I don't disagree with the general responses to either letter, but I have to say I'm so happy to hear that there are a "near-infinite number of private scholarships available". Too bad everyone drowning in student loan debt didn't know that. Oh wait.

Second letter I agree with the answer to too; if you want to try and raise money for your trip abroad, fine, but you don't have to be such a sponch about it.

She was totally a sponch about it - $30,000 to go to AUSTRALIA? Was her plane gold plated?

My dad often liked to make up facts too, but it was when we were kids. And if you can't get your kids to repeat silly facts like "Did you know there's a restaurant called the Broccoli Barn? My dad said he's going to take us there if we don't stop fighting." then what's the point of having kids? This letter writer seems insufferably superior - there's definitely an element of "I'm so much smarter than everyone, and I can prove it by getting the gullible idiots to believe anything I tell them" to this "hobby." I'm glad s/he was called out. (And the "you obviously aren't dating anyone" was a nice dig.)

The second letter reminded me so much of a college acquaintance who tried to get everyone she knew to pay for her to buy a bus to live in on an island in the Pacific Northwest so she could "make zines." Yeah, that didn't work out for her, either.

I'm Australian, and all that made me laugh. It can be a great place, but I couldn't say we have a particularly rich or diverse culture. Besides, we have quite enough local sponches without importing them.

Lily Rose wrote:$30,000 to go to AUSTRALIA? Was her plane gold plated?

I've done study abroad twice and my student job was in the study abroad office and I hate to say it, but that sounds about right. The total amount given out includes: round trip airfare, whatever living accommodations are chosen for you (which you have to pay for even if you don't want to live there), tuition for their classes (so if you go to a major local university, it's going to be a lot), and anything they add on to be considered basic living costs. Then whatever that local currency amount is, is adjusted for US dollars.

None of my answer is defending this person throwing the fundraiser though! Basically what she's doing is asking her friends to pay for not just the plane to get her there, but every single thing she will need. She wants to have basically a free vacation and not worry about any of the cost while there. I thought the LW handled it really well, by giving suggestions for fundraising instead of just asking for money.

Instant Monkeys wrote:I am so happy that this person got a smackdown. My sister went through a phase like this (when she was like seven!), where she just made up random lies for no reason that no one would ever know weren't true. Then later she would smugly inform us that she had "fooled" us.

See, what your sister did is a very common stage in little children when they're still figuring out how jokes and riddles work. And then they learn how jokes and riddles work, and then they stop telling pointless random lies, thinking they're being funny. What the letter-writer is doing is a very common stage in douchebags when they think they're smarter than everyone else. Sooner or later someone either calls them on their bullshit or punches them in the nose.

I'm not entirely sorry the advice columnist called the LW on the bullshit, but I was kind of cheering for the punch in the nose!

My cousins used to do that thing to me when we were growing up. They'd tell me things that were untrue but because they were all siblings and I was an only child, they'd back one another up and then when I'd believe them (because they were all older than me and there were a couple that I trusted), they'd laugh uproariously and go on about how gullible and stupid I was. It didn't take long before I stopped believing them altogether and even now I take what they say with a pinch of salt because they still like to do it. I just nod and go 'is that right?' very non-committedly.

Some people just like to make other people feel stupid. (Though my cousins can be quite nice in other ways. It's just when they get into this mood and if there's a few of them together, they think they're hilarious).

Liking lie-telling is called duping and is aggressive and a marker for psychopathy. It's about perceived superiority and manipulation. Unless it is clearly cultural inspired (like whoppers and fishing) it is a put-down.

Thinking of handing off my unborn child to his father because I can't stand the thought of having a boy

Yikes. Kinda rooting for the dad & family to take custody here.

Thought the second letter was kinda interesting (and frankly, much more of the type of letter I like to see in Dear Abby, unlike the first letter, which belongs in Dr. Personal Psychiatrist's files.) That is an awkward situation and while it seems like such a small thing, it could very well be the kind of thing that ends a friendship.

The fact that they just came and picked the gift card up and nothing more was ever said about it makes me wonder if it was stolen. That is SUPER awkward.

The first letter, yeah. She needs some counseling. It's one thing to envision a child of a particular gender and be disappointed that it's the other gender, and quite another to say "Eh, I think I'll just give him to his father and start over."

Having worked in retail and sold lots of gift cards, I can very easily see the non-activation happening as a mistake on the restaurant's part when it was purchased. BUT... if I bought a gift card and my friend told me it wasn't working? I'd be pissed. I would instantly look through my records to see if I was charged and deal with the restaurant either giving me a refund or fixing the gift card. I wouldn't be blase about it.

Not only would I be angry with the restaurant, Never Enough, but I would also be mortified. I'd apologize profusely to my friend for the fact that she had to pay for her own meal, but also for the experience of the card being rejected, which would embarrass many people (myself included, even if I knew it wasn't my fault!). Depending on the cost of the card, I'd also either reimburse my friend before I even took it up with the restaurant or reimburse my friend once I figured out if it was my error or the restaurant's.

I feel bad for the mother in the first letter. I'm hoping she's just going through some crazy hormonal stuff and not truly going to resent her son for being, well, her son. I think the advice given was pretty good - don't make any lasting decisions right now, keep your doctor informed of these feelings, speak to your family about buying a few things for the baby. I guess my response of, "Get thee to a therapist right this moment!" is why I don't have an advice column and whoever is writing "Dear Abby" now does.

Never Enough wrote:Having worked in retail and sold lots of gift cards, I can very easily see the non-activation happening as a mistake on the restaurant's part when it was purchased. BUT... if I bought a gift card and my friend told me it wasn't working? I'd be pissed. I would instantly look through my records to see if I was charged and deal with the restaurant either giving me a refund or fixing the gift card. I wouldn't be blase about it.

This has happened to me, I gave someone $100 gift card and it got rejected when they went to use it. Very embarrassing, especially since they didn't find out until they went to pay so it was too late to stop and find out what happened. I had kept the receipts so I was able to get it fixed relatively easily.

But just never following up on it is so not an option and I'd really wonder about a friend who did that. I mean, there's forgetfulness and there's thoughtlessness and a situation like that falls firmly into the second category.

Not only would I be angry with the restaurant, Never Enough, but I would also be mortified. I'd apologize profusely to my friend for the fact that she had to pay for her own meal, but also for the experience of the card being rejected, which would embarrass many people (myself included, even if I knew it wasn't my fault!). Depending on the cost of the card, I'd also either reimburse my friend before I even took it up with the restaurant or reimburse my friend once I figured out if it was my error or the restaurant's.

Yeah, there's definitely potential for major embarrassment there. Like, what if the person didn't have any money of their own because they thought they'd be using a gift card, that could get really messy in the moment.

The disturbing thing about the first letter is that not only has she her heart set on a girl, but a very particular fantasy of the perfect girl that probably doesn't exist in real life. Most daughters would not be able to live up to that fantasy. What if it had been a daughter but she'd been a tom boy? Even if a girl is naturally really girly and into pink and princesses, raising a baby is not all cute outfits and adorable playtime fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: you've been trolled.

Seriously, read the letter and tell me if it doesn't sound awfully familiar. Hint: think Bryan Cranston and Anna Gunn.

(Of course, if it turns out to be a legitimate letter, I'll feel like a real jerk.)

Yeah, there's no way that's real.

She should have added, "And every time I try to talk about this with my friends, they think I'm just talking about Breaking Bad!"

Hee hee. Can you imagine if you had a real problem that was notorious for being a TV show plot, and everyone thought you were making it up? Oy. "My Texas billionaire dad treats me like a little kid and my mom is a drunk and my cousin is annoying and this weird chick keeps dressing up in green lingerie that's the same one my wife bought!" "Dude, that's Dallas. You just described Dallas."

I have no idea what Dear Abby's LW1 is talking about. Does anyone really think/care about wrapping paper this much?