Advice Columns

I can understand seeing a childhood picture of somebody that was SO different you wouldn't know what to say; sometimes even a "wow, you look completely different" can be hurtful to someone who's particularly sensitive, especially if they were insecure about their looks at the time.

But she was so upset by the picture that she GOT UP AND LEFT. What on earth.

Joking aside, I'm starting to wonder if she's one of those girls who's really proud of dating a guy who's "ripped" (her word), and she feels betrayed, because - OMG! - he wasn't always the stone-cold fox that she's with now. And what if he gets fat again? Whatever will she doooo?

(That said, maybe she only just started dating this guy? People sometimes do dumb things when they're in a new relationship. When Mr.S and I started dating, I happened to see a picture of him taken at a co-worker's stag, and Mr.S was obviously enjoying the sight of the stripper. Believe it or not, I got all upset and insecure about this SHOCKING behaviour. I realized later how ridiculous I'd been.)

Well if they just started dating, I think he dodged a bullet there. I'm glad my husband just thinks my awkward grade school pictures are funny!

Dear Prudence: We gave away our son's dog, lied, and then staged a burial ground for verisimilitude. And for some reason, our son actually believed us! What do we do???

Really winning parenting.

Geez. It's usually the other way around.

13 is one of the worst possible ages to admit you told your kid a lie THAT huge. At least someone gets Prudie to admit that further down.

Also, you're the parent. Tell the kid the dog is finding a new home and it's not up for discussion, and also, he's not leaving the table until he eats a few bites. I think he got his dramatic behaviors from permissiveness, not genes.

As for the woman who dumped the dude as soon as he found out he was married, I'm not sure how effective talking to the wife will be, as she's going way overboard with the phone. If I talked to her, I'd include that while I know she's really hurting, if she didn't stop calling or texting, I'd be blocking her number.

I'm also not sure what's wrong with having a boyfriend who wants to have his own form of birth control. It's extra protection, so what's the problem? The fact that he's actually being responsible for himself? Acting like an actual adult about adult things sounds like a good quality.

(Also, I've known people who did "the we've been in a relationship for awhile, we don't need condoms!" thing, only that happens with multiple relationships and defeats the point and sometimes results in uncomfortable test results. Somehow, germs are supposed to know and care how long you've been dating.)

I also agree with the reader's reply pointing there might be some developmental issues going on with the son. Keeping a constant vigil of the grave and insisting that he witness the body (which would be rotted and gross) coming out of the ground? That's not normal! I'd be curious to find out if there were other behavioral issues that just happened to be regular with this kid. Definitely do not admit what really happened, but do get the kid into some sort of therapy.

WOW. That entire family has issues, if you ask me. The kid actually wants to exhume his "dead" dog? If the dog were actually buried there, does he have any idea how gross that would be?

I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but then I wouldn't lie to my kid about his dog dying in the first place.

Second letter - Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: my local mailman has said no to every one of my overtures. He's just being coy, right?

Good Lord, leave the poor guy alone! He couldn't make it more obvious that he's not interested if he was wearing a big sign on his head that said "I'M NOT INTERESTED". Plus, he's probably afraid of losing his job. I think the LW has seen too many p0rn movies.

Never Enough wrote:I also agree with the reader's reply pointing there might be some developmental issues going on with the son. Keeping a constant vigil of the grave and insisting that he witness the body (which would be rotted and gross) coming out of the ground? That's not normal! I'd be curious to find out if there were other behavioral issues that just happened to be regular with this kid. Definitely do not admit what really happened, but do get the kid into some sort of therapy.

Or he's figured out that his parents have lied and is employing a maximally passive aggressive strategy to get them to admit it. Though I don't know how likely that is for a 13-year-old.

That actually makes reasonable sense--13 is old enough to wonder why a dog who wasn't sick or old died and why you never got to say goodbye or be there when he was buried behind your own home. And also old enough to look back and realize your parents were frustrated with the dog's behavior, too. It's also an age where insisting that YOU UNBURY THE DOG SO I CAN SEE HIM seems more reasonable than a direct question, especially if you've always been a dramatic kid, and your parents may have lied to you omg, because what if they lie again? You can't exactly lie about a decomposing body's existence.

Distrusting your parents and being melodramatic seem pretty normal for that age, and a perceptive kid would have valid reasons for not trusting his parents' story on this. (And since the parents' initial lie seems like a pretty passive-aggressive way to deal with the dog situation, it sounds like he didn't learn this stuff out of nowhere.)

I can't get over the, "our parents secretly divorced years ago and my father re-married and had three kids without us having a single idea, now he wants to leave everything to his new family" letter. WTF?

My parents told a similar pet-related lie to me when I was a kid. I got over it.

That letter about Dad's secret second marriage is INSANE, Pop N Fresh.

God, I know. I almost had to laugh at how I kept thinking that I knew the direction the letter writer was going in, only to be proven wrong. "Her dad's dating again? So what? Oh - she's okay with that. The new lady is a lot younger? That's not so bad ... oh, she's okay with that, too. Hold it - THEY'RE SECRETLY MARRIED WITH THREE KIDS?"

I was also kinda appalled at the half siblings are different then full siblings thing. I mean technically they are, but I got the vibe they will be raised with the half sibling. I may just be touchy because I have a half sibling but we have always treated each other as siblings, no precursor.

With the half-sibling lady, I think she really needs to think about how she would feel if she were pregnant and her ex's mom told her daughter that half-siblings are "different". I have a feeling it would be a much bigger deal if the roles were reversed.

Why won't you take my sperm??

Ew.

I always thought most people tried to avoid Hapsburg-esque family trees.

(I get that genetically, you might've done okay if the partner had the baby, but there is no way that offer is not creepy.)

I kind of (read: not really) want to learn how the uncle pitched that donation and what the niece's face looked like afterward. Because I can't imagine how that conversation went down.

What kills me is how butthurt he seemed to be. Most people (I would have thought) would have realized they'd stepped in it and quietly left the subject alone.

There's something wrong when you use the phrase "I would like" about someone else's incredibly personal choice. My guess is gay uncle was so domineering and boundary crossing that the nieces decided to jump through whatever other hoops they needed before involving that man in their children's lives beyond 'great uncle".

Shalamar wrote:What kills me is how butthurt he seemed to be. Most people (I would have thought) would have realized they'd stepped in it and quietly left the subject alone.

Seriously! "And also, they never thanked me for the flowers." I don't know... maybe they didn't want him being genetically tied to their children? Could you imagine how entitled he'd think he was over all of their parenting decisions?

Oh, and they never invite him over their house, even though they are all gay! (I can think of several straight family members who do not regularly offer to entertain me at their home, even though we have the same sexual orientation! I never realized I should be offended!)

I don't know... maybe they didn't want him being genetically tied to their children? Could you imagine how entitled he'd think he was over all of their parenting decisions?

ITA. The LW seems to have a lot of boundary issues, to the extent that I would be afraid of him expecting to have a say in parenting or want to take over parenting.

Binky wrote:There's something wrong when you use the phrase "I would like" about someone else's incredibly personal choice. My guess is gay uncle was so domineering and boundary crossing that the nieces decided to jump through whatever other hoops they needed before involving that man in their children's lives beyond 'great uncle".

Yeah, it's like he's putting in dibs.

...And I may know the uncle. I've met the nieces, too, but just in passing. And if it is him, he's actually a really great guy, but he's very sensitive and has a somewhat fraught relationship with his family.

This is from a few days ago, but this Annie's Mailbox column got my blood boiling (not the first letter, but the ones following it.) So many mean comments about obese people.

Ohio: A man marries a woman for two reasons: She knows how to treat a man and looks fine, and she is kind and courteous and knows her place.

WOW.